“The things I do for England.”
Sorry to all you Daniel Craig lovers—I ain’t talkin’ him. I am talking JAMES BOND, played by Sean Connery, rug and all. From the first line he uttered, Connery!Bond had me hooked. He is half-womanizer, half-action hero, and all sexy. Nobody but nobody can say the, “Bond. James Bond,” line like Sean Connery. If you are a dude, you will never be half as cool as this guy, who could get away with using women as human shields to take bullets for him, and who can wear some really awful clothes and drop cheesy one-liners without looking entirely ridiculous. Schwing, baby.
“Forest of Thorns shall be his tomb! Borne through the skies on a fog of doom! Now go with the curse, and serve me well! ‘Round Stefan’s Castle, cast my spell!”
Maleficent’s awesomeness hit me when I was older (she scared me too bad to really appreciate her when I was younger). I first came to the conclusion that she is total girl-crush material when she let loose with her greatest line ever uttered: “Now you shall deal with me, oh Prince—and all the powers of HELL!” It is only natural it was that line that sent me swooning, since that is probably the greatest line from any villain in Disney history. Sorry, all you Scar fans—this self-proclaimed Mistress of All Evil could kick his scrawny, Prince John-esque tail because she can SUMMON THE POWERS OF HELL. IN A DISNEY MOVIE. That’s hardcore, man. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that she is played by Eleanor Audley and therefore has one of the sexiest voices I’ve ever heard.
“I am going to count to three. There will not be a four.”
It’s Alan Rickman. With a German accent. Do I really need to say anything else about this one? I didn’t think so. But I will anyway. Hans Gruber is HOT. He’s a villain with class and style, who can call someone a “little shit” and make it sound sophisticated. He kills you effortlessly if you get in his way and doesn’t feel badly about it one little bit—not even if you’re a father of five. He’s a man with a plan who totally would have gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for one
“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
HOLY CRAP. Folks, you have no idea how badly Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy makes my panties explode. And frankly, I don’t think you WANT to know. This was lust at first sight, baby—and it has to be Mr. Darcy and only this Mr. Darcy. I’d seen Colin Firth as himself plenty of times before, and as other characters—but one night, I saw him as Mr. Darcy and KA-POW. I am manic and insane and I want to cover him in whipped cream and have a party—and I don’t even LIKE whipped cream! *lusts—hard*
Now, as lustful as I am for Mr. Darcy—he is currently my big-time mania—I am afraid he does not get first. Because that honor goes to the guy who made me a woman, so to speak. The one man who made me realize that not ALL boys have cooties. The one who provided me with my first crush on a character in a movie. What Princess Leia in her gold bikini is for men and boys, he is for women and girls.
That’s right, ladies. I think we all know who I’m talking about.
“Just fear me, love me, do as I say—and I will be your slave.”
THE AREA. No one but David Bowie could make tight pants, a lacy peasant shirt, a riding crop, eyeliner and eye shadow, and no cup look THAT FREAKING SEXY. It does not matter how old you are—you could first see this movie when you are THREE, and your ovaries would go into overdrive and you would hit puberty RIGHT THEN just so you could appropriately lust after him. Hear this, men—there is a 75% chance that if you’re throwing your moves down with a woman, she’s thinking of David Bowie’s crotch the whole time. *nods knowingly*
Now, if you don’t mind, I think I need a cold shower. Thanks for visiting!
#5. From Russia With Love (1963). Caps by spectralsoul
#4. Sleeping Beauty (1959). Caps by erniemay
#3. Die Hard (1988). Caps by dj43
#2. “Pride & Prejudice” (1995). Caps by _snitchbitch
#1. Labyrinth (1986). Caps by dj43
All caps found through dj_capslock.