Madame Mervin, Hammer of Sues (das_mervin) wrote,
Madame Mervin, Hammer of Sues

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Twilight Notes: Chapters 7-9

Look at my shiny new icon. *pleased*

In the previous entry, Edward had invited Bella to sit at his table, which made the entire school talk. They said nothing to each other and discussed even less. Edward, IN A TOTALLY INCONSPICIOUS MANNER, skipped Biology class, which involved everybody pricking their fingers and drawing their blood to identify their type. That’s when we learned Bella’s new “flaw”: her morbid and very exaggerated phobia of blood—most people actually wait for the blood to flow and the needle to actually get close to them before swooning and fainting, but not our heroine! Just the idea sends her into a complete tailspin. Anyway, as she was being walked to the nurse’s office, Edward showed back up, actually carried her romantically to the nurse’s office, stayed with her all through the stay, and then forcibly drove her home. Once there, we got a big fat infodump regarding Bella’s feelings for her mother. Then it was time for Bella’s trip to the beach, where we met Plot Device, nicknamed Jacob. Plot Device proceeded to take five pages of our time to tell the legend of the cold ones, which basically revealed the whole damned mystery of the whole damned book.

So. You’ve got the back story! Now run!

Chapter 7 – Nightmare

--“There was a basketball game on that he was excited about, though of course I had no idea what was special about it…” Second sentence in and you’ve already pissed me off. You don’t like it—so that means nobody should like it. Bitch. Think I’ll keep a running tally for how many times I say that this time around, since Bella appears to be cranking up the bitch mode on me. So, #1.

--Could you have perhaps reduced the whole “listen to music to not think” thing to less than a whole page?

--Oh boy. An OMG SIMBOLIK dream. This should be fun.

--*reads* Okay, that was just dumb. It wasn’t infuriating, it wasn’t irritating, it wasn’t anything like that—it was just dumb. Here is where it becomes painfully obvious that Meyer hadn’t intended for Plot Device to do anything else but live up to his name before she decided to write him as a major character. It’s very clear that she did not write him “in”, as most authors do when they come up with a new character, or change their minds about one already written. She just went through what she’d already written and added some sentences. That, and she turned Plot Device into a Stu, because only the people who are going to be main characters get very extensive descriptions with all sorts of awesome adjectives. So, once she decided Plot Device needed more screen time, she just shoved him into the limelight. Now, about that dream—that’s just dumb, as I said before. I swear to God, I think she read the Airhead series and said, “Genius!” That dream is straight out of Airhead Year 7. Not to mention that a) Plot Device has yet to become a werewolf—oh, sorry, “shape-shifter”—and b) she’s not 100% positive that Edward is a vampire yet, either. Nobody in the real world (where this is supposed to be set) just dreams the answer to the big mystery, nor does anybody just dream in symbols this precise.

--“My modem was sadly outdated, my free service substandard…” Oh, and HEAVEN FORBID you have ANYTHING that is *gasp* SUBSTANDARD. You’re BELLA SWAN! That makes you the BEST! And don’t you deserve the BEST? Bitch #2.

--Hmm. Look at all those pop-ups. My mind immediately jumped to one conclusion. While giving Bella all those pop-ups is probably just one more way she’s emphasizing that Forks and everything in it—including the internet—is ZOMG LIEK INFEREEOR, I immediately thought that, if that’s Meyer’s only experience with the internet she’s ever had, she really should stop looking at porno websites. However, a slow modem does not mean pop-ups. Bella just needs to find a good spyware blocker. They did exist in 2005.

--You know, don’t tell me if I’m right or wrong, but given the fact that the author singles out only three or four separate vampire legends, methinks those are the EXACT ONES that will have any impact at all on this plot. Just going by experience with how ham-fisted this author is.

--Now you’re just cheating, Meyer. None of the descriptions sounded like the vampires featured in most movies? Come off it—stop acting like your vampire concept is in any way unique. Edward is a perfectly clichéd vampire—with a just few modifications to make him extra-Stu’d.

--Oh, yes, it’s all Forks’s fault that you’re obsessed with Edward Cullen. Bitch #3.

--I am very impressed. You realistically and NORMALLY introduced something that is a defining character trait that might become important later without beating us over the head with it—Bella’s sense of misdirection.

--I love how nobody before Bella has noticed anything about the Cullens. Yes, it took her and her perfect little brain cells to figure out their mystery, even though everything is glaringly obvious. And how do you know he doesn’t know what you’re thinking?

--“…unfamiliar cadences and phrases that better fit the style of a turn-of-the-century novel than that of a twenty-first-century classroom.” I hadn’t noticed. No, seriously—I hadn’t noticed. His speech patterns really aren’t all that archaic.

--“Could the Cullens be vampires?” Why are you wondering about the Cullens as a whole, Bella? The only one you’ve been obsessing over is Edward.

--*groans* Oh, you’re shitting me. The very THOUGHT of cutting Edward out of her life fills her with AGONY. Don’t waste my time, doormat.

--*flatly* Why am I reading this? Why am I reading the story of a person who’s already cleaving to her man’s arm? “Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of his personality, I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now.” You know what I’d be thinking at this point? “Wait a second…hypnotic eyes…magnetic personality…and I think he’s a vampire…dear GOD, he wants to EAT ME!!!” But, naturally, that thought never crosses precious Bella’s mind.

--Ah, there it was. Bad authors are required by law to say the title of their work in the actual story.

--“When Charlie smiled, it was easier to see why he and my mother had jumped too quickly into an early marriage. Most of the young romantic he'd been in those days had faded before I'd known him, as the curly brown hair — the same color, if not the same texture, as mine — had dwindled, slowly revealing more and more of the shiny skin of his forehead. But when he smiled I could see a little of the man who had run away with Renée when she was just two years older than I was now.” So, basically, you’re criticizing your parents for rushing their romance while they were so young and basing it strictly on looks, because once those faded, so did their romance…like you’re going to in the next books…BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH #4-#11.

--Oh, yuck. She has one of my personality quirks—whenever I start doodling, I tend to draw eyes. *feels dirty*

--“He was so delighted to see me, I couldn't help but feel gratified.” Oh yes, Bella. Just look at how you brighten everybody’s day. Bitch #12.

--Bella, please, for the love of God, LET MIKE DOWN GENTLY. Oh, and by the way, him reaching forward and brushing hair out of your face is just so icky, but Edward dragging you to his car and forcing you into it is perfectly okay?

--“"What did you do yesterday?" His tone was just a bit too proprietary.” Or maybe he’s just asking you how your day was…Meyer, please stop rubbing my nose into the fact that everybody wants to date Bella.

--“"I mostly worked on my essay." I didn't add that I was finished with it — no need to sound smug.” Phail.

--“He stared at me like I'd just spoken in pig Latin.” Hur hur, small-town people are stoopid and unedumacated and know absolutely nothing about literature. *grabs Meyer and starts shaking her* I GREW UP IN A SMALL TOWN. I WENT TO A SMALL SCHOOL. THERE WAS NO ENGLISH PROGRAM. MY FIRST INTRODUCTION TO ENGLISH WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. AND YET ENGLISH WAS MY BEST SUBJECT. ENGLISH WAS MY FAVORITE SUBJECT. ENGLISH WAS MY MAJOR. STOP WRITING SMALL-TOWN PEOPLE AS COMPLETE IDIOTS. Not to mention that Bella has no room to talk about misogyny. Not if everything I’ve read about later chapters is supposed to be true.

--*sigh* And, of course, she doesn’t state the REAL reason why she doesn’t want to go with Mike. Don’t bring Jessica into this—say the TRUTH, you nitwit! Say you don’t like him that way!!!

--Girlfriends, huh? Implying a close relationship. Well, Bella, guess what? I hate to spring this on you, as I’m supposed to not know about this yet, but I do know—I know for a fact that, once you and Edward confess your unending love for each other, everybody in the world who isn’t beautiful drops off the face of the earth. So much for girlfriends.

--“Desolation hit me with crippling strength.” I feel I must quote Joel at this point. You are one freaky chick.

--Okay, I get it, you’re utterly depressed and miserable and broken and shattered and absolutely nothing without Edward Cullen near you. It’s pretty sad that you’re already to that point and you haven’t even started liking each other yet.

--Oh yes, Bella. You are indeed of a superior mind. Just look at your literature collection. Never mind that it looks like Meyer gave you that collection strictly because every single one of them featured a protagonist or main character with a name similar to Edward, not to mention that it is the clichéd literature list that every Suethor gives his or her female character to make them seem well-read. *wallops Bella upside the head with her entire collection of Joseph Conrad* HEART OF DARKNESS’D!!!!

--Dude. I think Bella just had sex with a breeze just then, with the sensuous and sexy way she describe it touching her. Please, girl, not in public.

--“I wouldn't have to explain this to a woman.” Charlie, why on earth did you even want her to move up with you when she shows such utter contempt for you? Bitch #13.

--“"I don't know how you survived," I muttered…” Yes, Bella, until you arrived, Charlie’s life was drab and dull and he didn’t eat properly. Bitch #14.

--“I was anxious to get out of town so I could stop glancing over my shoulder, hoping to see him appearing out of the blue the way he always did.” Does anyone here think Meyer was actually aware of the fact that this relationship hasn’t even started yet and it already creeps me the hell out?

--Dude. That was a terrible ending. That chapter ending was so sudden and abrupt I almost felt myself fly forward and through the windshield. Luckily, I was wearing a seatbelt.

Chapter 8 – Port Angeles

--Aside from Bella being smug in her superiority and that awful nonsense regarding Tyler and his telling everybody that Bella was going to prom with him, I must confess, I am genuinely approving of this tiny bit of girly action. I actually expected Bella to be put upon and sigh throughout the whole thing, but she was generally enthusiastic, and I had a brief moment where I felt I could relate to her just the slightest bit. After all, I usually don’t do very girly things at all—but get me together with my friend Spaz, and you all better watch out. We become girls, and we revel in it. So, I approve of the shopping trip. That is, until we get to Edward again. ‘Cause we cannot go more than a few pages—oh, hell, more than a few paragraphs without Edward. It would be sin to leave such a beautiful Adonis out in the cold.

--Yet again, I must ask—how do the Cullens get away with missing so much school? It’s not like they’re sick and have to be absent for surgeries and treatment often. No, they are perfect. Are they so perfect that nobody involved with the school questions their absences? I mean, I never got to get out of school all the time because my parents wanted to go on vacation.

--‘Kay. Lemme get this straight. She just sent her friends off so she could look for a bookstore by herself. She has no idea where anything is in this town, she’s not paying any attention to where she’s going because she’s busy thinking of Edward, and it’s been established that she has no sense of direction. Hmm. GEE, AUDIENCE. I WONDER—DO YOU THINK SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO BELLA? … Nah.

--Man, Bella sure is observant. She examines every inch of Nameless Threatening Man before even deigning to respond.

--Oh boy. Who couldn’t see this scene coming from a mile away? Bella gets trapped by evil rapists. Because that’s what large gangs of rowdy men do, you know.

--Ah. There he is. The white knight in a silver Volvo. And the fear instantaneously evaporates. How predictable. I would’ve loved to have seen one of those men pull a gun and start shooting.

--Oh, dude, Edward is pulling basically the whole, “Man, you’re lucky my chick’s here!” thing! And yes, I am creeped out by Edward already to the point of wanting to slaughter four men for DARING to wish harm upon that which he thinks of as his.

--“I wanted nothing more than to be alone with my perpetual savior.” I’m getting nothing more than a vibe of hero-worship from Bella, rather than actually falling in love with somebody. You know, that thing so many disgruntled Harmony shippers accused the Harry/Ginny relationship of being—which is particularly funny in that this out-of-nowhere-true-love-romance reads more like Harmony crap than H/G.

--*howls with laughter* “Oooo, look at how that tramp’s looking at Edward! Well, she’s a bleach-blonde, so there.” Bella, you are just adorable.

--So, we are emphasizing that Edward is not looking at the waitress, because he’s too busy looking at Bella, and the fact that the waitress won’t look at Bella, because she’s too busy looking at Edward, and Bella isn’t really looking at the waitress, because she’s too busy looking at Edward. So, nobody’s paying much attention. That’s good.

--Oh, Edward, shut up. People do not automatically go into shock when a threat on them shows up. You’re just making it out like everybody goes into convulsions and has to be hospitalized after something happens to them just so Bella can smarmily inform us that she is so awesome none of that happened to her at all.

--Maybe this restaurant shouldn’t have hired former prostitutes as their waitresses.

--Now I’m going to imagine Edward raising one eyebrow as he watches Bella sniff at his jacket before saying, “Are you going to return the favor and let me sniff your underwear?”

--“"You should be — a normal person would be. You don't even look shaken."” Yes, we get it. Bella is not normal. Bella is a special snowflake. You can stop emphasizing it.

--Eyes cannot be tight. They can be guarded or an array of other various adjectives and descriptions, but not tight. That’s a jaw that gets tight.

--“I may have been imagining the double meaning in her words.” I repeat: they should not have hired former prostitutes as their waitresses. Hyde informs me that, in Midnight Sun, we discover that the waitress had included her name and phone number with the bill for their dinner. DUDE. Waitresses do NOT do that, not unless they are willing to risk everything for a quickie with somebody. There are so many things that could go wrong with that, I don’t know where to begin. Let’s start with the first one. One, that guy could’ve been a total psycho, who would’ve taken her up on her offer, viciously raped her, and killed her. Two, that could be construed as sexual harassment by some, making an obvious proposition to a customer. She’d get fired so fast she wouldn’t know what hit her, not to mention how hard it might be to get a job elsewhere with that particular black mark on her record. Essentially, what I’m saying is that I’m not really sure Meyer was thinking at all when she wrote this—probably too busy masturbating to Edward’s face to think about little details like that.

--‘Kay, he won’t answer the question about him being in Port Angeles. I haven’t read ahead, but I’m pretty sure I know exactly why he’s in Port Angeles. He’s following Bella. Now, if Bella were in any way sane, she would immediately retract that whole, “Oh, I feel safe around you,” comment, and high-tail it out of there.

--Look, Bella already thinks she’s special enough, okay? You really don’t need to emphasize it by telling her she’s an exception to your mind-reading powahs.

--I call foul on the whole thing with “trouble finding Bella” so easily. Most people need a legit reason for trouble finding them like it does—even Harry Potter had a legit reason, the reason being that Voldemort had tried to kill him once and wanted to do it again. You don’t have one.

--“I wondered if it should bother me that he was following me; instead I felt a strange surge of pleasure.” Something tells me that Bella and Edward danced to “Every Breath You Take” at their wedding and got it on to “#1 Crush”.

--So…he basically just completely admitted that he can read minds? I’m getting close to the big revelation, aren’t I?

--Bella, you and Edward are not in a relationship at all yet—stop being aggravated that Edward won’t touch you and doesn’t want you to touch him. It’s not like he’s just being a distant boyfriend who believes in propriety.

--Ooooo, what a dramatic ending. I can’t wait. *dull surprise*

Chapter 9 – Theory

--I’m guessing that Edward is blabbing all of his secrets and abilities now because he figures Bella figured him out. Well, she didn’t. You just basically told her. Good job, bozo.

--So, only Edward can read minds? Even among vampires he is speshul? Joy. Unless, of course, that turns out to basically be yet again another Airhead parallel—each Empath is unique, just as each vampire is unique, an idea that could be interesting, but in the hands of Meyer, is not.

--“"My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" The words bothered me more than they should — probably because his speculation hit home. I'd always suspected as much, and it embarrassed me to have it confirmed.” Quick, Edward! Reassure her that she is not a freak—she’s just UNIQUE!!! Bleh. Fisher.

--The driving thing was a little funny. I didn’t necessarily start laughing, and I didn’t necessarily smile, but I saw the humor in Edward going 100 mph and Bella freaking out.

--What true romance would be complete without the whole, “It doesn’t matter!” nonsense? Thank you, Bella. I was starting to miss the clichés.

--*sigh* Most of the stuff about vampires is rather boring—just Meyer making sure her vampires aren’t hindered by any of the usual problems most vampires have (you know—those things called weaknesses)—but the not sleeping part caught my eye. I don’t remember reading about anything like that, and I’ve seen quite a few vampire stories. Now, the not sleeping part could be very interesting, and making Edward sound a little wistful about not being able to sleep was a nice touch that, if she would’ve followed through on it, could help shape his characterization some more. However, I know for a fact she won’t. The reason why? This is why. Because Meyer has made her vampires in her stories basically everything she wants. They are superpowerful, absolutely gorgeous, they are graceful, they have heightened senses, some have extra abilities to make them all unique amongst themselves, and—the key ingredient—they are immortal. In the right hands, do you have any idea how awesome the story of a man stuck forever in the body of a seventeen-year-old boy who can’t sleep, is constantly plagued by a desire to eat the people around him, and will live forever as a seventeen-year-old boy? That could explain why he is so isolated and doesn’t try to make friends whenever he finds himself in high schools and the like, trying to blend in—because any friends he makes he can’t keep, and he invariably will have the thought pass his mind of, “Gee, I wonder what my friend would taste like with ketchup?” It’s been done before, yes, but in good hands, it can be a genuinely compelling story of the really creepy idea of living forever. But no, no—Meyer actively wants to live forever, so none of the possible negatives ever even enter her mind. *sigh again* I just keep thinking of the ways this series actually could’ve been very interesting and one I would’ve bought and read over and over again…

--“"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," I suggested, my voice still tinged with desperation.” Gee, Bella, that’s nice of you. I hope Edward’s next question is, “Tell me why you don’t just murder the people who annoy you.”

--No, Edward, she is not observant. Everyone else is just incredibly stupid—it’s a typical Suethor method. The Suethor will make every other character in the story save for the protagonists about as intelligent as a carrot, thus making the otherwise stupid protagonists come across as geniuses.

--“"It makes me… anxious… to be away from you."” It makes me anxious to be around you. I know it’s been said countless times before by countless others, but…EDWARD CULLEN IS A STALKER.

--Oh, man. You know what? I wish I didn’t know about the sparkliness in the sun. Because then, I’d get to read it and laugh derisively in incredulous surprise when I finally reached exactly what Edward just hinted at, what with him still not being able to go out into the sun..

--How very right you are, Edward. This is all so wrong, but not for the reasons you’re thinking—you think it’s wrong because you’re a vampire and she’s a human and the two just shouldn’t fall in love with each other. I think it’s wrong because you’re stalking her and she’s obsessed with you.

--Why is Edward so upset that a woman even thinks of trying to defend herself against would-be rapists?

--“His breath blew in my face, stunning me. It was the same exquisite scent that clung to his jacket, but in a more concentrated form. I blinked, thoroughly dazed.” The man eats skunks and you think his breath smells great? Enough to daze you? Huh.

--I literally face-palmed when I read the last line of this chapter. LITERALLY FACE-PALMED. I didn’t just roll my eyes, or sigh, or groan in pain. I face-palmed and rubbed my forehead, because a headache started poking my frontal lobe with a fork when I read that line. Lemme refresh the memories of all those who’ve already read it and show those who haven’t read it yet. Keeping in mind all that has (or, more importantly hasn’t) happened between these two before this, the closing line to this chapter is, “And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” You. Are. Kidding me. I just…no. No no no, no. Being around this shit kind of makes me wanna die. And this “bitch” doesn’t count, because this is actually just a good old fashioned bitch, please. So we end the Bitch Count at fourteen. Not bad, Meyer, not bad. It took Gethsemane a lot more to get me to call her character a bitch fourteen times.

Final Thoughts

You ever read a book and feel like the author just reached right out of the pages and slapped you in the face? Well, Meyer just reached out of the pages and slapped me, spat in my face, pissed in my cheerios, pushed me down, and kicked my cat.

First off, the mystery of Edward was finally resolved in chapter nine. It took 163 pages out of 452 to get there. Normally, that would be a reasonable length before revealing that the main character is something interesting and then upgrading to the central plot (i.e., Harry finding out he is a wizard before getting to Voldemort). However, in this case, the main problem in this—there was no mystery. Right from the get-go, in chapter one, we knew that Edward was strange and unusual, and by chapter three, we know he’s not human. As such, I spend most of my time before this chapter thinking, “Get ON with it.” Then, of course, there is Bella’s reaction in general to finding out that Edward is a vampire.

I understand that Meyer is using the typical “Love Conquers All” motif for her story. It’s been done successfully before, and often very well. But do you honestly expect me to believe that a young girl who discovers that a boy in her class is not only a vampire, creatures she thought weren’t real, but also openly confesses to having strong urges to eating her, that her immediate reaction is that “It doesn’t matter”? At that point, I found myself agreeing with Edward. “It doesn’t MATTER”?! Are you shitting me?! That’s immediately what you think?! Not, perhaps, “Holy God, he’s a vampire and he wants to eat me”?! That doesn’t even enter into your empty little skull?! Of course it doesn’t. You’re too blinded by love. Which leads nicely into the next point.

I feel seriously insulted. I am reading a story that features a vampire stalking a young girl who is completely and utterly obsessed with him. Said vampire thinks the young girl smells like tasty barbeque. And I am expected to believe this is a sweeping romance. And speaking of romance…gad, Meyer, are you trying to kill me? Lemme offer up some perspective.

My grandparents met in college. They met through a mutual friend who took them both to a movie together. The friend recalls that my grandparents didn’t see a single minute of said movie, as they were too busy making eyes at each other. They fell in love very quickly, and got married very quickly. Like, less than six months kind of quickly. They’re still married—for over fifty years—and still very much in love. So, Meyer, I’m not saying that people can’t fall in love quickly and stay together for the rest of their lives. My grandparents are proof that it happens. But let’s examine Bella and Edward’s interactions…

1. First meeting: Edward makes it clear that he is uncomfortable around her and/or definitely doesn’t like her.
2. They do one lab together.
3. Edward saves her from a van.
4. Edward coerces her into allowing him to drive her to Seattle.
5. They eat lunch together.
6. Edward carries her to the nurse’s office and drives her home.
7. And, by the time Edward saves her from her would-be rapists, she’s in love with him. There is no in-between, either.

During none of these times did Bella and Edward ever really talk about their likes and dislikes, their views on any issues, their opinions, their families, their friends—anything. All there is here is physical attraction, but, while I agree can be a base to build lasting relationships on, they haven’t built anything! I mean, my grandparents went on dates and truly got to know each other before they tied the knot—these two haven’t even been on a single date yet and they’re already madly in love with each other to the point that at least one of them is willing to risk her life just to be with him. There is nothing in this relationship. It is a tiny bit of attraction put into a giant box filled with foam peanuts—you have to dig around for forever in a bunch of stuff that has no substance in order to get to the part that you’re looking for, and by the time you reach it, you’re more interested in the box because it’d make a great fort and you’ve made a mess with the foam peanuts and you wish you’d never ordered the damn thing to begin with.

And I’m not going to go into Edward being a psychoass stalker. It’s been gone over already, so I don’t really need to chime in. I think MST3K (don’t they always?) summed it up perfectly with three lines.

Character (Edward): What else have I told you?
Tom Servo (Bella): That you follow me for my own safety?

Character (Edward): (upon finding out where a girl went to college/went to Port Angeles) New York? Why so far away?
Mike Nelson (Edward): Makes stalking you hard!

Character (Edward): It was a real break finding you here.
Crow (Edward): Because I’ve been stalking you for several days.

And to think that Hyde tells me that his stalker-tendencies in this book are nothing as compared to Midnight Sun. *shudder*

Stinger: “And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”

( Chapter 10 - Interrogations )

I’ve been reading some quotes from Meyer herself lately. Man…I never thought that anybody could surpass Paolini for sheer pomposity, but she proved me wrong.

So, I’m actually contemplating watching the movie. And by watching the movie I mean spend money on it. You know, go to a movie theater and buy a ticket for Twilight and maybe buy popcorn and a Diet Coke and sit down near the front row and sit there for two hours. So, not only spend money on it, but waste time with it (more than I’m already wasting, that is…*looks at this and the previous three posts*). Hyde says I’m crazy. I say—well, I don’t know what I say. I’ve watched the trailer and the clip “Bad Guy”, as a) I can’t really compare the rest of the scenes available to the book, as I haven’t read them yet, and b) I don’t want to risk spoiling myself. I like to savor the horror, you see. And the clip “Bad Guy” just…I think it actually made me want to go see it even more, rather than putting me off it. Because it had both its ups and downs in regards to improving upon the source material, and now I’m curious about the rest of it. And at the rate I’m going with this review, I’ll be done with Twilight well in time to see it in theaters to see if they either improved upon the source material or slavishly followed it. Or if they went the route of Eragon and somehow actually managed to make it worse.

It’s sick fascination, I tell you. At some points in the clip I saw, they made it worse. In others, they made it better. And then, of course, there is RPattz and his hair I have to look forward to. I’m sure if Edward can tune Bella out, so can I. I’ll just doze when she’s on screen, then wake back up when RPattz shows up, and so long as I don’t pay attention to what he’s saying and concentrate mostly on his hair, I can be happy.

Guh. Don’t know what I’m gonna do come November 21st. Knowing me, I’ll probably break down and watch it and Hyde will mock me when I come in crying my eyes out from the sheer awfulness of it all.

Well, at least RPattz has a pretty damned nice accent and the most awesome hair ever and says the greatest things.
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