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SJ - Das Sporking
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SPORKS



The Ariana Black Series

Ariana’s Secret
Ariana’s Hidden Power
Ariana’s Sacrifice
Ariana and the Empath’s Power
Ariana and the Mystery of the Muggle Murders
Ariana’s Devotion
Ariana and the Prophesy of Gaea


The Twilight Series

Twilight
Midnight Sun (By Mrs. Hyde)
New Moon
Eclipse
The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner
Breaking Dawn
Mervin Reads!: The Official Twilight Illustrated Guide
Twihard Idiocy (By Mervin and Gehayi)


The Hogwarts Exposed Series

Hogwarts Exposed
Hogwarts Too Exposed: A Slytherin Among Us
Hogwarts Over Exposed: Salazar's Return
Hogwarts Under Exposed: A New Girl in Town


The Rose Potter Series

Rose Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Rose Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Rose Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Rose Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Rose Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Rose Potter and the Half-Blood Prince


The Sues of Gethsemane Butler

Salvation
Haunted
Sins of the Father
Heart of the Sea
Ghosts of the Abyss
Seven Days


Other Notable Sporks

Caradien’s Story
Standing My Ground
Child of Grace
Year Six
Because God Commanded It
Breaking Free
Dark Side of the Moon



FICS



The Wedding Crashers

Chapter 1 - Don't Bring Me Down
Chapter 2 - Sharp Dressed Man
Chapter 3 - Indian Love Call
Chapter 4 - The Stroke
Chapter 5 - Death on Two Legs
Chapter 6 - Paper Sun
Chapter 7 - High Crimes and Misdemeanors
Chapter 8 - Snakeskin Cowboys
Chapter 9 - Eat the Rich
Chapter 10 - Bonfire
Chapter 11 - If You Want Blood
Epilogue: Bad Reputation

COMPLETE


Mrs. Hyde's Twilight Revamp

The Darkest Hour

Part I: 1 of 2 | 2 of 2
Part II: 1 of 2 | 2 of 2
Part III: 1 of 2 | 2 of 2
Part IV: 1 of 2 | 2 of 2
Part V: 1 of 2 | 2 of 2
Part VI: 1 of 2 | 2 of 2
Epilogue

COMPLETE


The Thorns Remain

Part I | Part II | Part III

COMPLETE


His Brother's Keeper

Part I | Part II

COMPLETE


Curiouser & Curiouser

COMPLETE

Comments

( 86 comments — Leave a comment )
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timewaster89
Dec. 8th, 2008 06:25 pm (UTC)
Salvation
I know it's late, but I've heard so much about your sporking of Salvation, and I was really hoping that I could read it. I have always hated the character of Victoria (not to mention that I have an incredibly bad history with people of the same name), and I would really love to read it.
das_mervin
Dec. 11th, 2008 01:17 am (UTC)
Re: Salvation
Hey, sorry to get back to you so late!

Well, you can definitely read "Salvation" if you friend my journal. You can defriend when you're done, if you don't want my inane babbling cluttering up your flist, since I do babble a LOT. :) But, unfortunately, I keep anything by Gethsemane locked because I don't want her to find it--she's the type who sends minions to your doorstep, and I really don't need that.

Thanks! I hope you enjoy it!
peterchayward
Dec. 22nd, 2008 02:26 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
Hey, I'd love to read your "sporking" of Twilight if I could!

I was actually originally linked here to read Rose Potter, but I couldn't see that anywhere?
das_mervin
Dec. 22nd, 2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
Re: Thanks!
Hey, there. :) If you want to read the "Twilight" review, just friend the journal. It's one of the ones I keep flocked for fear of people who are fans to come down on my head and attack me.

Actually, Rose Potter is not here. It's Airhead I'm currently posting on this journal. Rose Potter is over on JournalFen--everything's unlocked, and you don't need to be a member of that site to read any of them. Everything's in the memories, and it's mostly scripting and quoting until Years 5 and 6, when I started really sporking them. I did every bit of Rose Potter written, so don't worry about Year 6 only reaching chapter 7--that's as far as the Suethor got as well.

Rose Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Rose Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Rose Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Rose Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Rose Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Rose Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you really enjoy the Rose Potter scripts and the Twilight reviews! I'll be starting New Moon back up shortly after the holidays are over.

Thanks again!
Re: Thanks! - timewaster89 - Jan. 12th, 2009 06:21 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Thanks! - das_mervin - Jan. 12th, 2009 09:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Thanks! - timewaster89 - Jan. 14th, 2009 03:41 am (UTC) - Expand
southerngaelic
Jan. 11th, 2009 01:36 pm (UTC)
Hiya Merv :) Happy New Year.

Read the last Gethsemane fic, "Sins of the Father." Got a bad cold so my head's a bit fuzzy, but I do remember thinking two things:

1) The opening paragraph. It's like Victoria and Sweeney haven't aged AT ALL, despite having three grown-ass children. Gross.

2) I hope Sweeney uses some strong disinfectant to wipe down his barbing chair (y'know...where the customers SIT), given how many times he and Vic have boinked on it.

I wonder if she's going to finish it. Not that you can't guess how it'll pan out.
das_mervin
Jan. 11th, 2009 07:57 pm (UTC)
1) Ageing is for losers who AREN'T Gethsemane. This is the same person who talks about how OLD she is at 26 on her journal over at DeviantArt. No joke.

2) Eh, it's the 1800s. They don't care. ;D

Yeah, I'm hoping she'll finish it, but she's mentioning rewriting it, which makes me wail in despair--because that means I'll have to spork it ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!
(no subject) - timewaster89 - Jan. 12th, 2009 05:25 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - southerngaelic - Jan. 14th, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - timewaster89 - Jan. 17th, 2009 02:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - timewaster89 - Feb. 4th, 2009 07:35 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - das_mervin - Feb. 4th, 2009 07:52 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - timewaster89 - Feb. 4th, 2009 08:31 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - timewaster89 - Jan. 14th, 2009 03:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
panda_puppet
Jan. 13th, 2009 07:52 am (UTC)
hey. long time lurker of your work. i've read all of Child of Grace you've done, and most of Rose Potter. YOU. ARE. A. GENIUS!

I would love to read your take on Twilight so I hope you don't mind a random stranger friending you. ^_^

Keep up the fantastic work.
das_mervin
Jan. 13th, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC)
Oh my. *blushes* Thank you!

I don't mind at all! The more the merrier for me. :) And I usually friend back, so I hope YOU don't mind if I friend you in return. :D

Thanks! I'll try to!
ts_wing
Oct. 6th, 2009 11:47 am (UTC)
Hi, I've just finished recovering from reading Mrs. Hyde's final, heroic entry in the Midnight Sun epic marathon of epicness, and someone in the comments mentioned your fic "Blue Hour"? I'd very much want to get to read about Your!Edward, so do you mind if I friend you? Thank you.
das_mervin
Oct. 6th, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)
Hey there. :) I'm glad you enjoyed her tearing MS apart.

The fic is actually "The Darkest Hour", the one posted up there at the end of the TOC, and if you enjoyed MS, then this one will be for you. I will friend you immediately so you can check it out! TDH is linked right there, under the Twilight recaps, and if you look over at the tags, there should be one called "revamp: the blue hour", wherein we posted two teaser chapters for that fic, as it's not near completed yet.

Happy reading, and happy friending!
(no subject) - ts_wing - Oct. 7th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
clio_1
Jan. 21st, 2010 10:13 am (UTC)
I read your sporking of Rose Potter at the HMS STFU and loved it, so I hope you don't mind that I'm friending you :).
das_mervin
Jan. 22nd, 2010 01:55 am (UTC)
Thank you! I don't mind at all. :D
timewaster89
Feb. 28th, 2010 10:51 pm (UTC)
Question
I've only seen the Lord of the Rings movies and I've never read the books. Would I still be able to enjoy your Lord of the Rings sporks, or would I have to read the books to enjoy them?
das_mervin
Feb. 28th, 2010 10:54 pm (UTC)
Re: Question
You wouldn't have to read the books--most of the fics we sporked were done in movie-verse.
Re: Question - timewaster89 - Feb. 28th, 2010 11:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
maiskorn
Mar. 1st, 2010 02:08 pm (UTC)
Hey!

I have suffered through the Twilight books to finally see what my friends love about it so dearly (I still don't), and your sporkings have provided me with some literary catharsis that I needed after these horrible, horrible books. They're really entertaining! (Your sporkings, that is, not the Twilight Trainwreck.)
I would love to see your movie review of New Moon, but the link doesn't work for me. Is it flocked?

(Also, I've friended you, I hope you don't mind; I only later realized I should probably ask in this post first.)
das_mervin
Mar. 1st, 2010 05:09 pm (UTC)
I'm very happy to be providing you with entertainment. :) As I'm sure you saw, I kind of did the same thing, but was mostly trying to legitimize my already budding hatred of the books--because it's not right to despise something you haven't read, you have no basis for dissing it.

Yes, that one is flocked because of the means by which I saw it. You'll understand when you read it--however, I have friended you back now, so you should be able to see it now.

And if I may be so bold--you will also be able to see "The Darkest Hour" as well. That is a rewrite of Twilight done by my esteemed cohort, Mrs. Hyde, and I pimp it at every turn because it is a wonderful, well-written, and heartbreaking story that will leave you emotionally wrung out and exhausted by the end. And it's full of subtext, too. Can't go wrong with that.
(no subject) - maiskorn - Mar. 2nd, 2010 04:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
tsukasabuddha
May. 11th, 2010 01:00 am (UTC)
Stand in characters
I loved your dissections of the Twilight series. But Sands, was he in another fic with Snape? Where is he from?
zelda_queen
May. 15th, 2010 04:17 am (UTC)
Re: Stand in characters
Sands is from a movie called "Once Upon A Time In Mexico". I haven't seen it, but from what I've gathered he's a psychotic CIA agent who gets his eyes drilled out. He and Snape first sporked together in "Harry Potter and the Fall of a Dark Lord".
Re: Stand in characters - chainfyre - Jun. 11th, 2010 12:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Stand in characters - zelda_queen - Jun. 11th, 2010 02:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
slutz101
Jun. 8th, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)
Don't know where else to post this....
I'm a lurker, been following your recaps for a while (LOVE).
I've friended you, but is there any way I can see the Flocked posts? I understand you don't know me, so if there's anything up here f-locked for privacy, I'll wait :) I just wanted to ask, if I could see them--I've read everything else I can, and am looking for more.
das_mervin
Jun. 8th, 2010 07:54 pm (UTC)
Re: Don't know where else to post this....
I am so sorry! I normally friend anyone who friends me--I have now friended you. :) You can now read everything up there that is flocked. I just started Bree Tanner, so you can read along with us now. :D Thank you--I'm glad I bring some laughs. :D
analise010
Jun. 12th, 2010 09:09 pm (UTC)
No Breaking Dawn? I was really looking forward to the Jacob/Renesme imprinting scene, but it's okay.

I'm only halfway through Eclipse and haven't even gotten to the: "My name's Bella and I'm a whiny slut so I'm gonna kiss Jacob now and get my way...AGAIN (GO SUES!)" scene. I have a feeling that will be epic.

I'll just go through Sweeney Todd, Twilight, and Bree Tanner in the hopes that by the time I'm done, it'll be up. :D

P.S. THESE ARE AMAZING.
das_mervin
Jun. 12th, 2010 09:20 pm (UTC)
Oh, no--I will be doing Breaking Dawn, actually. I just paused after Eclipse to completely overhaul all of the recaps for my actual sporking journal, das_sporking. Breaking Dawn will be started up very soon, actually. Not, you know, in a day or two, but maybe next month I'll begin that and it'll be LJ exclusive for a while until I take it over to the sporking comm.

I'm glad you like them! :D I hope I keep bringing the funny. If you ever spot any errors (like I very embarrassing one that got pointed out to me in chapter twenty-six), do tell me, so I can take care of it for when I post over in das_sporking. Thanks again!
(no subject) - orangechibi - Jun. 12th, 2010 11:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - das_mervin - Jun. 12th, 2010 11:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
das_mervin
Jun. 14th, 2010 10:55 pm (UTC)
Sure! I just friended you, and if you haven't friended me yet, just do the same thing and you'll be able to read them. Part VII should be up either tonight or tomorrow morning.
italiachick42
Jun. 20th, 2010 03:37 am (UTC)
Hey there! I'm a bit of a lurker, but could I read the Bree Tanner sporking? I love your stuff.
das_mervin
Jun. 20th, 2010 03:44 am (UTC)
Sure! I've friended you, so you can read it at your leisure. I've hit a bit of a snag, so it hasn't been updated in a few days, but hopefully, I'll have the next bit out tomorrow or Monday.
demi_ghost
Jun. 25th, 2010 04:19 pm (UTC)
Hey, another lurker here :) Can I read the Bree Tanner sporking?
das_mervin
Jun. 25th, 2010 04:27 pm (UTC)
Sure thing. You're friended--read away. :)
cecamire
Jun. 29th, 2010 10:24 am (UTC)
Yet another lurker XD
May I read as well?
das_mervin
Jun. 29th, 2010 07:00 pm (UTC)
Absolutely. :D
chkrdredhearts
Jun. 29th, 2010 06:46 pm (UTC)
I think I already left a comment. I'm not sure. But I would love to read your hilarious review on Bree Tanner :]
das_mervin
Jun. 29th, 2010 07:02 pm (UTC)
No prob! You are now friended. :D
ladyjaganshi
Jul. 1st, 2010 08:42 pm (UTC)
Just wanted to say that I've been reading--and loving--your sporks of the Twilight series ^_^ I also started "The Darkest Hour" and so far it is EXCELLENT. Keep up the good work! :D
timewaster89
Jul. 8th, 2010 07:17 am (UTC)
Hey, I want to post this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSFzxqj0eNI) about my all time favorite character on one of your Sue sporks and saying something like if that Sue has been through something like that, then they have a right to complain. I thought about using it for Bella Swan and telling you to replace 30 dollars he mentions with boyfriend and you have how I feel John Locke (the character in the video) would think of Bella's situation summed up completely, or do you know a better Sue spork where this would be more relatable?
sikisaur
Jul. 14th, 2010 02:54 pm (UTC)
Friendeded
Just wanted to let ya know I friended you for your flocked sporks, IE Bree Tanner :3 You make the sacrifice so we don't have to! *loves*
das_mervin
Jul. 15th, 2010 01:12 am (UTC)
Re: Friendeded
No problem at all. :) Know that I would greatly appreciate comments on those, because I run those recaps first by the journal and then beef them up for das_sporking so they'll be as thorough and accurate as possible. Thank you for your compliments!
xxburningsoulxx
Jul. 16th, 2010 12:59 am (UTC)
Hey, lurker here.
I actually TRIED reading the Bree Tanner story online and I reviewed it a little but it couldn't finish it because my brain was melting and it couldn't take it anymore. I'm surprised you managed to do so especially after that god-awful Twilight series.

Mind if I try and read your sporking? :D

Question: What did you think of Bree overall? Reminded you too much of Bella or just another idiotic character?

She reminded me a lot of Bella. That's scary, yo.
das_mervin
Jul. 16th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
Re: Hey, lurker here.
No problem at all! I'd really appreciate it if you did, actually, seeing as you've actually read the story. My recaps of the series here are actually first-runs--the comments I get from everybody help me beef them up, correct stuff I got wrong, and make sure I encompass all different opinions to make my own clearer, so I'd LOVE for you to come on board and read through it. :D I've friended you, so you can look at it now.

My opinion on Bree is made....more than clear in the recap. Suffice to say, she is the perfect and flawless blend of Edward Cullen's psychosis, Bella Swan's whiny attitude, and Jacob Black's horribly stilted "tough guy slang". It's AWFUL.
timewaster89
Jul. 20th, 2010 08:54 am (UTC)
Hey, you have got to see this, it's hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2ENznSexo8&feature=digest

Also, am I the only one who's completely lost interest in vampires, because I now feel that they have been done to death?
angel_renoir
Jul. 23rd, 2010 10:25 pm (UTC)
Whew, this is a load of stuff!!! Reading through those sporked fics, I just realized that I actually used to LIKE those kind of fics... Well, not the precise ones you spork, but they're written in similar fashion. That's such an embarassment >___< I was so bad that I actually got sporked myself once... I commend your patience on going through all these stupidity...

By the way, I can't seem to open the Bree Tanner thing. Is it locked?

das_mervin
Aug. 10th, 2010 04:32 am (UTC)
Yeah, they're locked--I just friended you, so you can check it out now. Sorry I took so long to get back to you.
(no subject) - angel_renoir - Aug. 10th, 2010 05:45 am (UTC) - Expand
eternet_79
Aug. 2nd, 2010 04:35 am (UTC)
Hi! Your recaps are awesome! Would it be possible for me to read your Bree Tanner recap?
das_mervin
Aug. 10th, 2010 04:31 am (UTC)
Sure! Sorry for the late reply--you're friended now. :)
mirrorinmymind
Sep. 2nd, 2010 11:56 pm (UTC)
I'v been a horrible, horrible reader...I've been reading your sprokings for a while now, and have never even ATTEMPTED to comment. This is my attempt...
It's failing. Hard.
Anyway, I'll probably be sending you a friend request right as I post this, so try not to, you know..spazz out when the random request comes through.
angel_renoir
Sep. 25th, 2010 12:48 am (UTC)
You know, I've heard you and some other people mention a Twilight rewrite called "The Blue Hour" or something. Is it available for reading anywhere? Because it really sounds interesting.
das_mervin
Sep. 27th, 2010 06:47 pm (UTC)
It's got a tag.

Just two chapters, though--and they are going to go through some editing. Those were first drafts, and were written before TDH was conceived.
(no subject) - angel_renoir - Sep. 27th, 2010 08:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - das_mervin - Sep. 27th, 2010 08:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
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