This is VERY image-heavy. I mean, a lot. And they are not little images. Do not click this if you have slow internet or are still on dial-up, because you will regret it.
#5. The Thing
“I dunno what the hell’s in there, but it’s weird and pissed off, whatever it is!”
While this is not the first movie to traumatize me as a kid (that honor belongs to Creepshow), it is the first one that I eventually became a fan of even though I don’t think I’ve ever changed the channel that fast since—watching a dog’s face peel back like a banana does that to you.
“Back home we got a taxidermy man! He gonna have a heart attack when he sees what I brung him!”
This is one of the first monster movies I ever got to see. I was thrilled when I got to see it uncut for the first time, too—Quint was the first man I ever saw vomit blood onscreen. Fortunately, though, I had loved sharks since I was little so never had a problem going into the water. The fact that I lived in Oklahoma, 2000 miles away from an ocean in any direction, had nothing to do with it.
“You are one ugly motherfucker.”
Folks, this guy is pretty much the personification of “badass motherfucker”. Everything he does—EVERYTHING—relates back to the hunt. My dad introduced me to this movie, saying I had to see it strictly for the line, “He was skinned alive!” And he was totally right.
“You still don’t understand what you're dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility… A survivor. Unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality… I can’t lie to you about your chances, but you have my sympathies.”
This creature has only one thing in mind from the moment it is born to the moment it dies—to kill you. It enters the world with a horribly gory and violent death and leaves a trail of mutilated carcasses in its wake. Every part of its body is deadly and dangerous—even its blood, which is acid. So even if you managed to get a hit in, you’re risking splattering acid blood everywhere and all over everything—including you. And if it can eat through four layers of solid steel before stopping, what makes you think it would have any trouble dissolving your pathetic flesh?
#1. Jurassic Park
“The world is changing so fast, and we’re all running to catch up. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but look. Dinosaurs and man—two species separated by 65 million years of evolution, have suddenly been thrown into the mix together. How can we possibly have the slightest idea of what to expect?”
This is my #1 and nothing you say will make me say otherwise. And if you try to tell me these don’t fit in with the rest of the monsters here, I will ignore you because you are WRONG and a lying liar who lies. I saw this movie five times in the theaters when I was seven, and have loved it ever since. It has always been my favorite movie of all time and there is simply no possible way anybody could knock it down. I’m so devoted to this movie I’ve gotten to the point that, any time I hear the raptor call or t-rex roar in another movie, I become bristly and indignant, because that sound belongs to my beloved JP, thank you very much (shame on you, Avatar, for using BOTH).
And there you have it. Those are my top five. Now if you’ll excuse me—I’m going to go watch The Thing and simultaneously swoon over Kurt Russell and gag over the Thing.