In other words, this is an image-heavy installment of the Eclipse recaps. So dialup users beware.
Chapter 23 – Monster
Bella wakes up sweaty and out of sorts, still all wrapped up in Jerkoff’s tender werewolf embrace. We get lots of emphasis on how lovely Jerkoff thinks this is, even in his sleep, and he’s no doubt having marvelously vanilla dreams about respectfully engaging in missionary-style intercourse with Bella. Speaking of, she looks up to see Wardo, and “his expression was calm, but the pain in his eyes was unconcealed”. You wouldn’t have painfully blue balls if you’d just masturbate, Wardo! Don’t expect any sympathy from me!
Bella asks if it is any warmer today, and Wardo says yes, mostly so Bella won’t hang off of Jerkoff anymore. Personally, I think it could’ve been forty below and he’d still have told her she didn’t need him—remember, Wardo’s petty wants >>> Bella’s personal safety. Bella starts trying “to get to the zipper”, and my immediate thought was that she was trying to get Jerkoff’s pants down. Unfortunately, she’s being sat upon, and is quite pinned. She asks Wardo for help, and he asks, “Did you want me to take his arms all the way off?” Oh, that oh-so-old-fashioned kidder. Bella thinks so, anyway, and declines, just asking that she get free of the sleeping bag. So Wardo quickly unzips it and Jerkoff falls on the tent floor, expresses his displeasure, and “instinctively” jumps back on Bella to get away from the cold. Right.
Not surprisingly, Wardo quickly throws him against the tent poles, which merely “shudder” in response. Uh-huh. SuperVampire Wardo, hurling SuperWerewolf Jerkoff the apparent neutron werewolf into a flimsy tent pole, and it barely bends.
My need for Mr. Darcy should not be this soon. So I will drink instead.
Well, the rumble starts immediately, and I think Wardo is in pain, because “snarls were ripping angrily out of his chest”. Well, all right, then. Jerkoff is snapping, too, about to explode into a werewolf right there in the tent, and Seth is outside growling ineffectually. Fortunately, Bella and her whining come to the rescue, jumping between them, despite the fact that Wardo “wrapped his hand around her [waist], ready to yank [her] out of the way”. Dude, this is your fault. Now is hardly the time to emphasize how ZOMG DANGEROUS werewolves are.
Oh, and removing ribs to achieve a waist thin enough for a guy to wrap his hand around it died out with the near-lethal corsets that shaped them,
So Bella’s being all stern, but I must say, it is incredibly simpering. I imagine she’s saying it like my old elementary school teacher I used to hate, talking in her baby voice to all us eighth graders (yes, I was in an elementary school that went K-8th). Jerkoff calms down, but still bitchfaces at Wardo. Bella inquires after his wellbeing, and while I normally wouldn’t get irritated by it, it just feels like more of Bella’s insistence that werewolves suck and are sooooo inferior to vampires, so naturally, if Wardo threw him against a flimsy tent pole, he’d be hurt beyond all measure. Bella then turns to Wardo, who’s being pithy at her for DARING insert herself into MAN business. She says, “That wasn’t nice. You should say sorry.”
*dryly* What next? Gonna give him a time out?
How about you try this instead?
I looked at them both, equally disgusted with the two. “When you’re both done pissing on me in an attempt to claim ownership, maybe we can focus on the fact that there is going to be a big fight going down very soon? You two can meet at the flagpole after it’s all over.” I pulled my coat around me tighter, scowling. “Knowing you two, you’ll probably make out rather than fight.” And I swept angrily out of the tent.
That would’ve worked, too, you know.
Wardo protests, and Bella continues to be foot-stompingly irritating, and Wardo huffily says, “My apologies, dog.” And Bella’s perfectly fine with that, and is slightly pithy when Jerkoff doesn’t accept it.
OOOH MISTER DARCY OOH.
Bella makes an obvious show of being cold, hoping that one (or both) of the boys will fawn over her. It’s successful, and Wardo immediately throws the parka that had been hanging out in the snowstorm over her, while Jerkoff crawls back into the sleeping bag to go to sleep, citing that he didn’t get the best night’s rest because Bella kept talking in her sleep. You know what that means—SYMBOLIC DREAMS.
Jerkoff and Wardo proceed to start pissing again, Jerkoff being rather pleased that Wardo was miserable the entire time he sat there and fondled his girlfriend in front of him, and Wardo returns with even if he had been in Jerkoff’s place, it still wouldn’t make his list of best nights. Jerkoff leaves in a huff, talking about how he needs to chat with Sam. This is what Bella says in response.
Pain crackled down my spine and lodged in my stomach as I abruptly realized that this could be the last time I would see him.
I recommend some kind of therapy for that back problem you’ve got, Bella.
Bella whines at Jerkoff when he doesn’t respond properly to her entreaties to stay, and he immediately puts on a very obvious front to manipulate her feelings. Fortunately, she’s stupid and buys into it before he supposedly exits the scene. I say supposedly because Bella makes a huge deal out of telling us how QUIETLY Jerkoff moves and how it’s like he didn’t even leave! Amazing. You’d think he didn’t leave and go off into the woods. You’d think he was still out there, just outside the tent, what with how quiet he moves. Incredible. You don’t think he didn’t really leave, do you?
Bella and Wardo are left to their own devices, Bella leaning on Wardo since at all times she must find a man to cling to. I find that stupid, because she is supposedly cold and he’s a heat (among other things)-sucking bastard. Bella asks how long until the “battle”, and it turns out it’s in an hour. How Alice can determine exact times is beyond me—especially so when we find out later on, she can’t. Whatever. Bella and Wardo have a dramatic moment, and it’s immediately negated by Wardo being light and cheery about how he “[hates] missing the fun”. Bella gets irritated, Wardo tells her to calm down, she doesn’t, so he offers to distract her. Bella points out with a shiver that making out with Iceman there wouldn’t do well in the current weather. Keep it in mind for now.
Bella says making out isn’t the only distraction—she asks for the “ten best nights” that he mentioned to Jerkoff. He tries to make it a guessing game, and DEAR GOD, I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THIS IS GOING. She is all ignorant, citing that he’s got a century’s worth, and he declares that the ten best are by far ones spent with her and she is, of course, surprised, because why on earth with Hotty McHot Hot think of times with her as wonderful, oh, isn’t it great that the hottie has fallen for the nottie. *gags* But it gets even better. Bella says she can’t guess, and that she “can only think of [hers]”. Nice—you are so selfish and know so little about your supposed One True Love Forever and Ever Sealed in the Temple for Time and All Eternity that you can only think of yourself and can’t imagine what he might like. But it’s okay—as it turns out, their top ten nights are the same, that is how in tune and alike they are. *vomiting into a bucket at this point*
Bella’s first one is the night he stayed in her room in Twilight. Well, the one she saw, anyway. Why that’s so novel is beyond me—he’d been doing that for months already. Wardo says it’s his as well, and then…then he says… “Of course, you were unconscious for my favorite part.”
OOOH MISTER DARCY OOH.
We did not see that sentence. We did not. Just look at Mr. Darcy up there. *bodice rips*
However, that sentence we didn’t see reminds Bella that she talked in her sleep last night, so she asks Wardo what she said. Wardo evades the question, and her whining makes him eventually confess that it was mostly his name and “Jacob, my Jacob”, which Jerkoff “enjoyed…quite a lot”. Thanks, Wardo, for telling us all about how Jerkoff was humping Bella’s leg all night. However, he is displaying displeasure at Bella mumbling Jerkoff’s name in her sleep, so, despite the fact that she can’t really help what she blathers on about in her sleep, she apologizes, probably in hopes that Wardo won’t backhand her for having unauthorized thoughts about another man.
Bella clarifies that she was merely lamenting the loss of “her” Jerkoff, the one who was previously Jacob. I kind of lament that loss myself—he was vaguely likeable and gave us a few moments of actual romantic chemistry. Wardo approves, though, and therefore it makes it okay. He asks for another night, and Bella mentions the flight home from Italy. Turns out that’s one of Wardo’s favorites, too! Oh, yay. Bella then mentions the next day after Italy. Yep, another one of Wardo’s favorites! Are we sensing a pattern yet? Yes, we are—we are supposed to be sensing unity and a deep connection, I’m sure. I’ll tell you what I don’t sense—IDIVIDUALITY.
Bella then asks what the number one spot is, and Wardo says it was when she “agreed” to marry him. Yes, I made note of the word choice. Meyer, when drug store cashiers give the money in the register to people robbing the store, they are not agreeing to it. Coercion and duress do not an agreement make. Bella is put out, at first claims that’s not on her list, but upon his disapproval, she puts the “sub” in submissive! So she immediately changes her mind, saying she still doesn’t get the importance of it (neither do I, except so that he can put a symbol of ownership on her—which he already admitted to) and that “[he] already had [her] forever”. Well, only when he agreed to turn you into a sparklepire, anyway. Wardo boasts that she’ll understand in a hundred years, because she’ll have “gained enough perspective to really appreciate the answer”. Wardo, you’re a dick.
Wardo then suddenly asks if Bella’s warm enough, and a second later, somebody howls outside.
The howl tore through my mind like a tornado, both strange and familiar. Strange because I'd never heard such a tortured cry before. Familiar because I knew the voice at once—I recognized the sound and understood the meaning as perfectly as if I'd uttered it myself. It made no difference that Jacob was not human when he cried out. I needed no translation.
Jacob was close. Jacob had heard every word we'd said. Jacob was in agony.
The howl choked off into a peculiar gurgled sob, and then it was quiet again.
I did not hear his silent escape, but I could feel it—I could feel the absence I had wrongly assumed before, the empty space he left behind.
OH EM GEE. JERKOFF WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME. SHOCK AND HORROR.
Wardo says that Jerkoff “reached his limit” and “truce over”. He apparently says this “so low [Bella] couldn’t be sure that was really what he’d said”. THEN WHY DID YOU SAY THAT’S WHAT HE SAID? You can’t do that in first person perspective, Meyer! *slaps her in the mouth with a rolled-up newspaper*
*sucks in a deep breath*
Bella spells it out for the audience that Jerkoff was there the whole time, and that Wardo knew, and that he did every single bit of that up there, tricking Bella into that conversation on purpose strictly to rip Jerkoff’s heart into itty bitty pieces.
Let’s recap that. Wardo just deliberately, knowingly, and maliciously used Bella to get back at Jerkoff. He wasn’t being romantic—he was being malevolent. None of those sweet nothings were meant for her—they were all meant for Jerkoff, ending with him shoving the fact that he would not only soon own Bella in the married sense, but also own her in the vampiric sense. It was all a sick, twisted plan on his part.
Guess what Bella’s reaction is.
My head fell into my hands.
"Are you angry with me?" he asked.
"Not you," I whispered. "I'm horrified at me. "
"Don't torment yourself," he pleaded.
"Yes," I agreed bitterly. "I should save my energy to torment Jacob some more. I wouldn't want to leave any part of him unharmed."
"He knew what he was doing."
"Do you think that matters?" I was blinking back tears, and this was easy to hear in my voice. "Do you think I care whether it's fair or whether he was adequately warned? I'm hurting him. Every time I turn around, I'm hurting him again." My voice was getting louder, more hysterical. "I'm a hideous person."
Her reaction is to say it’s all her fault and to spare not a single thought to the fact that Wardo just made a premeditated move to break Jerkoff’s heart out of spite, even though she had a grand mal freakout in chapter three when Jerkoff did that very thing to Wardo with the memories of when she had The Goddamned Hole™.
Besides, we all know she’s only talking about how awful she is so people will disagree with her.
And what do you know, Wardo starts doing just that! I mostly think he’s saying she’s not horrible for supposedly hurting Jerkoff because he thinks that’s good fun and you’re not doing anything wrong if you do (but he thinks that about pretty much everyone, so Jerkoff shouldn’t feel special). Bella’s all dramatic, crawling out of the tent and babbling about how she has to find Jerkoff and do something. What, we don’t know. In the middle of this supposedly dramatic moment, where Bella is all incoherent with grief, she pauses to admire the scenery for about seventy words. Thanks.
Seth’s over under a tree, being pithy. Wardo follows Bella, sparkling in the sunlight and making me gigglesnort. Now is NOT the time to remind us that Wardo is glam. Wardo stops her before she gets into the woods, saying that it’s stupid for her to go do that. And here—this is an example of how dry and dead her dialogue is.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I'm sorry I did that."
"You didn't do anything. It's my fault. I did this. I did everything wrong. I could have… When he… I shouldn't have… I… I…" I was sobbing.
His arms folded around me, and my tears soaked into his shirt.
“I should have—told him—I should—have said—" What? What could have made this right? "He shouldn't have—found out like this."
Well, that, and I wanted you to see what they were saying. But first off, look at that dialogue. It’s so robotic, and has absolutely no voice.
Second—you are SO not sorry, Wardo. You’ve never been sorry for anything in your entire life. You are a cold, heartless bastard who delights in causing the deepest pain and sorrow in those around you, whether that be through physical or emotional torture.
Third—I am seriously having trouble figuring out how any of this is Bella’s fault. At all. You didn’t know he was there, and you were unaware that Wardo was using you to needle him.
Fourth—why is Jerkoff so choked up about this? He knew about the vampiring, and just how many times have you been telling him since New Moon that Wardo is your life and you plan to be with him forever and that you’re willing to give up everything in the world—including Jerkoff—just to be
But Bella’s dormatism is driving me insane. As such?
OOOH MISTER DARCY OOH.
Wardo offers to go find Jerkoff so they can chat for a bit before the battle goes down. Bella agrees, and Wardo vanishes, leaving her alone with only a brand new, very young werewolf to defend her.
Normally, I would call idiocy on this one. However, this is the story that is pretty much a ripoff of the Ariana Black series. The plot and all malevolent forces ALWAYS put their schedules on hold when there is some kind of romance drama going on. Remember that quote with Reginald and Airhead up in Chapter 21? Yeah—Voldemort never attacked anyone and was not mentioned for probably six chapters. Like, at all. He kindly waited until the so-called fight was over to stage his final attack. Don’t you love considerate villains?
Bella immediately starts whining the minute he leaves, asking: “Was there anything I touched that didn’t get spoiled?” Don’t you start cribbing from Charlie Brown, Meyer. I will become very cross. Bella whines and whines and WHINES, talking about how OOC it is that Jerkoff should suddenly declare that all of this is way too much for him to handle and go flouncing off into the forest, and then she whines about hurting both her boyfriends, and talks about how she is “selfish” and “hurtful” to people she supposedly loves. And as we know from these stories, once you admit to it, it’s okay to just keep on doing it! But, with something this serious, it’s best to put up a huge front, so she beats that “I’m a jerk” dead horse for much longer than she needs to. And—WHAM! We are suddenly Brontë’d.
I was like Cathy, like Wuthering Heights, only my options were so much better than hers, neither one evil, neither one weak. And here I sat, crying about it, not doing anything productive to make it right. Just like Cathy.
Well, kind of. Except not—not really at all, actually. It’s like me saying that I’m just like Jane Eyre, except that I’m not in love with a married man. Meyer just wanted to sound literary.
Bella talks about how selfless she’s going to be now, saying that if Jerkoff doesn’t come back, that’s fine, and if he does, she’s sending him away. As if he’d obey that—you told him not to kiss you and to let go and he still assaulted you.
Bella starts whining some more, talking about how saying a supposed goodbye to him is much harder than saying goodbye to the human friends and how she can’t comprehend why it’s hard. Uh, how about because those people aren’t your friends? You only use them on the rare occasion that you need them, and they are quickly forgotten once you’re done. That, and they are lowly humans. Who cares about those sorts of people?
And then she starts whining AGAIN. This time? About her hair.
OH MY GOD!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!!!!
*deep gasping breath* OOOH MISTER DARCY OOH.
*shakes herself* Better!
The whining gives way to a laundry list. Bella gets water. Bella thinks about food. Bella paces. Bella thinks about Seth. Seth indicates that the battle in the clearing might be starting (it’s not, because if it did, we couldn’t have this love triangle intrigue). Bella wonders if Jerkoff and Wardo are having a fight to the death in the forest over her (and boy does she get off on that idea). Seth sits back down. Bella whines about him not talking to her. Bella takes off her jacket. Bella walks around the clearing.
Yes, it really is this dry and boring. There’s absolutely no emotion in it. It’s complete and utter padding. That paragraph up there? I just condensed probably three pages of text—all of it devoted to describing the actions I wrote out.
In other words, NOTHING HAPPENED. I’m sure Meyer imagined that by drawing it out, she was causing tension, but she didn’t. I WAS BORED. BORED, I TELL YOU. Because all you wrote were ACTIONS. There was no EMOTION behind anything. Bella NEVER SHOWED ME HOW SHE FELT. Her actions didn’t indicate any kind of stress, either! BORING!!!!
Seth starts growling, Bella whines about it, and Jerkoff alerts them to his presence. OH GREAT, HE CAME BACK. Bella’s vagina explodes (modestly, of course) at the sound of his voice, and she says this with regards to said explosion: “It was just fear of what I was going to have to do now, that was all.” Right. And I was just trying to get Hyde off my back when I agreed to watch Pride and Prejudice with her. Wasn’t at all the fact that I orgasm every time I see Mr. Darcy.
Then our intrepid pair shows back up, Wardo first. He and Seth have a mental conversation, and apparently something is happening to throw some timing off. I am supposed to care and wonder what is going on with them. I do not. Then Bella notices Jerkoff. He’s standing all dramatically, back to her, and not turning around. After Bella extols Wardo’s virtues for a while, he tells her that “there’s a bit of a complication” and that he and Seth are going to go a few miles into the woods so as not to listen in on what’s going on with Jerkoff and Bella.
Wait, wait, wait. There is a problem in the clearing going down so soon to the big battle with the newborns, it’s obviously some kind of complication…and yet we’re still going to pause all action and do this scene, the Dramatic Goodbye to the jilted lover even though he is apparently needed down in the clearing.
Okay. That’s not Airhead Plot Pause talking. That’s just PURE STUPIDITY.
Wardo and Seth go off, Bella dramatizing the whole time about how she’s causing everybody pain. You know, this has never crossed your mind before. In fact, you got quite pissy the last time Jerkoff expressed pain from your repeated abuse—and that was back when he was still actually Jacob. Eh, must be more of that controlling asshole fetish she’s got—they’re only worth her time and consideration if they’re abusing her. Jerkoff’s all pouty and dull, and Bella opens the moment with the following apology:
"I'm sorry I'm such a rotten person," I whispered. "I'm sorry I've been so selfish. I wish I'd never met you, so I couldn't hurt you the way I have. I won't do it anymore, I promise. I'll stay far away from you. I'll move out of the state. You won't have to look at me ever again."
*raised eyebrow* Surely it isn’t just me thinking that sounds like nothing but a huge pile of self-pitying drivel.
Jerkoff tells her the apology sucks, and then points out that maybe he doesn’t want Bella to leave and that it’s not fair for him to get no say in the matter. Bella says that no, he can’t, because she’s sick of hurting him. And the only solution to that is for him to leave—it’s not like she could just, you know, stop doing all of the stuff that hurts him so, like hanging off of him and leading him on and never actually telling him “no”. That is just absolutely out of the question, because that would actually require her to do something, like, you know…change and exhibit character growth—not to mention display a shred of decency.
Jerkoff tells her to stop and that he understands. We all stare pointlessly and quietly at one another for a moment, and then Jerkoff’s “head snapped up” and his voice gets “stronger”.
I think an intelligent person would recognize a sudden and dramatic change like that for what it was.
Bella isn’t an intelligent person.
Jerkoff says that she is “not the only one capable of self-sacrifice” and that “two can play at that game”. Bella isn’t capable of ANY self-sacrifice! Once again, Meyer, you can tell me all about what you want me to think and feel for your characters, but until you actually show it, I DON’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!!!!
Yes, I am angry. Because I know what’s coming. Expect rapid-fire Mr. Darcy and Paul soon.
Jerkoff talks about how his behavior has been bad, too, and talks about how he hurt her as well. Bella claims it’s all her fault. I agree, for behold: Bella Swan = Stephenie Meyer = Author. Therefore, Bella Swan = Author. Q.E.Duh. And math doesn’t lie. *nods knowingly* Jerkoff says that he knows exactly how to “redeem himself”, and then, without actually saying it, declares that he’s going to go let the newborn vamps kill him and by default kill the hypotenuse of the love triangle.
Bella is slow and it takes a while, and she immediately starts babbling that no, he can’t do that, and Jerkoff is quite obviously saying the best things that will make her beg the most, and oh yes, yesohyesohyes, I feel a good rage brewing. Best let some steam off now.
Steam let off, and now, to create some more, considerably more pleasurable steam.
OOOH MISTER DARCY OOH.
OH, YOU’RE GONNA LEAVE YOUR CRAVAT ON, EH? YOU NAUGHTY BOY, YOU. NO, DON’T LEAVE THE RIDING CROP, BRING IT WITH YOU. OH, YES, MISTER DARCY, I AM BEHAVING IN A MOST UNLADYLIKE MANNER. YOU’D BETTER TEACH ME SOME HUMILITY.
Oh, but first, tell Mrs. Meyer what you think of her.
Well, back to business.
They go back and forth, Bella pathetically begging him to stay and Jerkoff taking great pleasure in hearing her do it. I must say, it’s extremely sick and twisted. Maybe we were wrong with regards to who tells Bella to rub the lotion on its skin. Jerkoff starts up his dramatic goodbye again, declaring his love for her, and Bella tries to get him to stay by saying this: “Anything you want, Jacob. Just don’t do this!”
I will not. I will not do it until it’s over.
Jerkoff turns, and he’s getting sly and insinuating. And he makes it quite clear what he wants from her and what would “convince” him from going off and killing himself.
Care for a tiny fic, anyone?
Fury enveloped me so fast, and I saw red. I almost couldn’t breathe for a moment, I was so angry.
“Go, Black,” I hissed. “Go die. Die like the dog you are. And if you pass Edward on your way down, tell him I want your balls on a silver platter.”
Folks, I will sum up what happens next as best I can. But I warn—there is a long quote. And I am having difficulty typing, because my hands are shaking. I’m that mad.
Bella then asks what he wants—she begs him to come kiss her. He pretends to be unsure, and then leaps across the clearing and violently kisses her, and actively gets mad when she doesn’t respond like he wants her to, and starts manipulating her into poses he wants. She continues to be unresponsive, and—
I’m sorry. I can’t sum this up anymore. I just…can’t. But it shouldn’t be summed up. So, long quote, untouched.
"You can do better than this, Bella," he whispered huskily. "You're overthinking it."
I shivered as I felt his teeth graze my earlobe.
"That's right," he murmured. "For once, just let yourself feel what you feel."
I shook my head mechanically until one of his hands wound back into my hair and stopped me.
His voice turned acidic. "Are you sure you want me to come back? Or did you really want me to die?"
Anger rocked through me like the whiplash after a heavy punch. That was too much—he wasn't fighting fair.
My arms were already around his neck, so I grabbed two fistfuls of his hair—ignoring the stabbing pain in my right hand—and fought back, struggling to pull my face away from his.
And Jacob misunderstood.
He was too strong to recognize that my hands, trying to yank his hair out by the roots, meant to cause him pain. Instead of anger, he imagined passion. He thought I was finally responding to him. With a wild gasp, he brought his mouth back to mine, his fingers clutching frantically against the skin at my waist.
The jolt of anger unbalanced my tenuous hold on self-control; his unexpected, ecstatic response overthrew it entirely. If there had been only triumph, I might have been able to resist him. But the utter defenselessness of his sudden joy cracked my determination, disabled it. My brain disconnected from my body, and I was kissing him back. Against all reason, my lips were moving with his in strange, confusing ways they'd never moved before—because I didn't have to be careful with Jacob, and he certainly wasn't being careful with me.
My fingers tightened in his hair, but I was pulling him closer now.
He was everywhere. The piercing sunlight turned my eyelids red, and the color fit, matched the heat. The heat was everywhere. I couldn't see or hear or feel anything that wasn't Jacob.
The tiny piece of my brain that retained sanity screamed questions at me.
Why wasn't I stopping this? Worse than that, why couldn't I find in myself even the desire to want to stop? What did it mean that I didn't want him to stop? That my hands clung to his shoulders, and liked that they were wide and strong? That his hands pulled me too tight against his body, and yet it was not tight enough for me?
The questions were stupid, because I knew the answer: I'd been lying to myself.
Jacob was right. He'd been right all along. He was more than just my friend. That's why it was so impossible to tell him goodbye—because I was in love with him. Too. I loved him, much more than I should, and yet, still nowhere near enough. I was in love with him, but it was not enough to change anything; it was only enough to hurt us both more. To hurt him worse than I ever had.
I didn't care about more than that—than his pain. I more than deserved whatever pain this caused me. I hoped it was bad. I hoped I would really suffer.
In this moment, it felt as though we were the same person. His pain had always been and would always be my pain—now his joy was my joy. I felt joy, too, and yet his happiness was somehow also pain. Almost tangible—it burned against my skin like acid, a slow torture.
For one brief, never-ending second, an entirely different path expanded behind the lids of my tear-wet eyes. As if I were looking through the filter of Jacob's thoughts, I could see exactly what I was going to give up, exactly what this new self-knowledge would not save me from losing. I could see Charlie and Renée mixed into a strange collage with Billy and Sam and La Push. I could see years passing, and meaning something as they passed, changing me. I could see the enormous red-brown wolf that I loved, always standing as protector if I needed him. For the tiniest fragment of that second, I saw the bobbing heads of two small, black-haired children, running away from me into the familiar forest. When they disappeared, they took the rest of the vision with them.
And then, quite distinctly, I felt the splintering along the fissure line in my heart as the smaller part wrenched itself away from the whole.
And then he leaves, after giving her a gentle kiss—no need for anymore violence now that he’s broken her.
There you have it. The culmination of the love triangle Meyer has been trying to develop since New Moon. Bella finally figures out that she’s in love with them both. That explains why she’s been leading him on this whole time—once again, it was done in the name of love, so that excuses it. Sure, she’ll talk about how terrible it was that she did that, but, hey—she had a reason.
*sucks a long breath in through her nose*
That right there. The whole thing. *points*
True Love Through Rape with extreme Gorean tradition thrown in for kicks.
Let me spell it the fuck out.
Jacob Black was looking for an excuse to not call it rape. So he actively made Bella beg for it. He manipulated her emotions and MADE HER BEG FOR IT. Anybody here ever seen the movie Wait Until Dark? By all means, take a little time to watch until about 2:30. Keep in mind that Audrey Hepburn’s character, Suzy, is blind. Spoilers for the end of the movie, folks.
I would like to make mention that Harry Roat, Jr., the man in that scene, is one of the scariest, most evil villains ever dreamt up by anyone.
YOU, MRS. MEYER, HAVE A DESIRE TO RUN OFF AND LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND FOR A MAN THAT CAN BE COMPARED TO HARRY ROAT, JR.
I’m supposed to think that Jacob is wonderful. I’m supposed to love him. He’s supposed to be a protagonist. He is supposed to be the only guy that could challenge Bella’s undying love for Edward Cullen, which Meyer claims is the greatest love ever imagined by anyone.
I am supposed to think that a guy who first makes a woman beg to allow him to have his way with her, or else he will do something drastic and painful to her, and then, when she doesn’t respond properly, assaults her even more violently and painfully until she finally gives in and responds to him in a way he likes. And actively tells her to relax, because if she does, it won’t hurt as much.
And as for the Gorean accusation? Those books are populated with the constant drumbeat that women are meant to be nothing but sexual slaves to men. Any woman who displays resistance is raped and ravaged and tortured into submission—as is proper, because all women secretly desire to be sexual slaves, they just need a good raping for them to realize it.
Bella only realized she wanted Jacob’s attentions after he violently assaulted and hurt her against her will.
*holds her breath for a moment and stares at the ceiling*
*beeeeeep* We’re sorry, but Mervin’s not in right now. Please leave your name and number after the beep, and she’ll get back to you. *beeeeeep*
( Chapter 24 - Snap Decision )