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SJ - Das Sporking

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*Artwork by sylvacoer; done as fanart for "The Wedding Crashers"


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Sep. 5th, 2010 12:49 am (UTC)
Although I haven't finished yet, I'm really enjoying your comments on Twilight. I did have one question though. Every woman I know who likes the series and has seen Sixteen Candles drools over both Edward and Jake Ryan. It's obvious as to why Edward is a jackass, but I've never seen the fascination with Jake Ryan. He didn't seem to care about the main character that much and treated his girlfriend like crap when he decided to leave her. What's your view point on that character?
Sep. 6th, 2010 04:02 am (UTC)
First of, thank you for your compliments. :)

Second of all, I have actually not seen that movie all the way through in a very, VERY long time. As such, I can't remember as much as I would need to make a comparison like that. I don't like to give analyses without full canon, so I apologize, but I can't give you a view point as I stand now. *helpless flap of arms*
Sep. 6th, 2010 03:57 am (UTC)
I've really liked your sporking of Twilight and other WTF!Fanfiction. I also really enjoyed Mrs. Hyde's The Darkest hour. Plus you two just seem awesome in general. Friend me? I'll try not to be so awkward in the future :)

Edited at 2010-09-06 03:58 am (UTC)
Sep. 6th, 2010 04:02 am (UTC)
Thank you! Mrs. Hyde says thank you as well--consider yourself friended. :)

Edited to add this link--it's a welcome to my LJ post I wrote, so you can have all the info you need to know what I blather on about on my personal LJ.

Edited at 2010-09-06 04:05 am (UTC)
Sep. 29th, 2010 12:57 pm (UTC)
Hi! I've been a fan of yours for awhile (in a non-creepy sort of way!) and would love to friend you if that's cool :)
Nov. 16th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC)
I need a sporks savior....
Hello das_mervin!

Hope you are well. This Twilight fanfiction is called "Making Love out of Nothing at All" by ashel-13 on My personal opinion is "Making SHIT out of Nothing at All" discarding the craptastic sequel and full of true suegasm of all time! Why do I send you this? Because you have become my hero in sporking the Twatlight series, I am amazed, you guys have great potential. I haven't found another being that agrees with me in this shit in form of words.

The fanatics of this fic are masive. It's a true challenge! I believe that poeple thatt have bashed this fic have been eaten by this fanatics, I'm a survivor; That's why I write myself anonymous. I don't have much time.

I leave it in your hands for now, I will continue searching for the ones who still have minds that haven't been crapped by this fic. Good Luck!
Jan. 17th, 2011 10:11 pm (UTC)
I'm adding you because I enjoy your sporkings, recaps, fics (as well as Mrs. Hyde's), and think that you and Mrs. Hyde seem like cool and interesting people. Anyway, if you friended me back, that would be nifty.

(Do I sound like a creeper? I feel like a creeper. I promise that my normal lj posts are not usually creepy.)
Jan. 17th, 2011 10:14 pm (UTC)
You're not a creeper! I will definitely friend you back! Welcome to my LJ! I freak out and spazflail a lot. :D
Jan. 30th, 2011 08:25 pm (UTC)
Is it okay to add you? I'm a fan of your sporkings, although I tend to lurk rather than comment.
Jan. 30th, 2011 08:31 pm (UTC)
No problem at all! You'll probably see a lot of screaming about "Supernatural" over here, and get very closely acquainted with my cats. :)
(no subject) - erikalyndis - Jan. 30th, 2011 08:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 4th, 2011 04:21 pm (UTC)
Is it okay to friend you? You introduced to Supernatural,Leah/Castiel, Misha Collins and several other man candy actors, so I consider you the pinnacle of awesome right now. JUST THINK. If I hadn't read your fics, I would not have seen Supernatural ever because it looked like a pointless gory show, and I wouldn't have known about Misha. ILU <3.
*I really hope I don't sound like a creeper, but I just caught up and then re-watched Castiel molotoving Michael with Holy fire. WIN. (And no, I don't squeal with delight when Sam, Dean, or Castiel are on screen due to their sheer hotness. No, those squeals were... uh... my clock? Yes. My clock. Rather pervy, that clock.)*
Feb. 4th, 2011 04:26 pm (UTC)
Dude. I am so friending you back for that one, because that's the best friends request I think I've ever gotten. You should probably get that clock looked at. ;D

Welcome to my private domain! Just in time for the newest SPN episode, too! Here you will see me scream about....pretty much nothing and for no reason. I like to ramble here, because while I have to maintain some modicum of sense over at das_sporking, I say to hell with it here. I hope you enjoy your stay!
(no subject) - phoenicity - Feb. 7th, 2011 11:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 14th, 2011 12:38 pm (UTC)
I want to join the twispite community
I am a lurker and I loved your sporks. They are spot on all on that is wrong with Twilight. The Hours series is incredible and that Castiel pic up there is adorable. I have several twispite fics to recommend hence the desire to join the twispite community. You two are amazing and I would love it if you friend me.
Feb. 14th, 2011 05:18 pm (UTC)
Re: I want to join the twispite community
You've been approved in the comm--I thank you for the compliments, and I thank you for your reasons for wanting to join. I look forward to your spitefics!
Feb. 14th, 2011 04:06 pm (UTC)
Friend request :)
Well, I've been telling myself to ask you as soon as I find the time to make an account. Read the sporkings, admire your analytical skills and Mrs.Hyde's elegance and what's important, am not a creeper (or at least I don't think I am :P.)
Friend me back? Please? :)
Feb. 14th, 2011 05:18 pm (UTC)
Re: Friend request :)
Thank you very much! You're friended back. :) Enjoy your stay here, I tend to yell a lot.
Feb. 20th, 2011 02:31 am (UTC)
Your fic teaser sentences
On the other hand, Sam is Lucifer's favorite dress, and dammit, he's going to be the prettiest princess at that Apocalyptic battle.

Claire can't help but think that maybe if Michael hadn't sent the most obnoxious winged dick to convince the most stubborn man alive, the Apocalypse would have come sooner. Huzzah for angelic stupidity.

This whole piece is from Claire Novak's point of view, as I find her extremely interesting.

Mar. 18th, 2011 12:30 pm (UTC)
Love the sporkings and I'd love to hear all about your cat. I'm owned by felines as well. ;)
Mar. 18th, 2011 12:31 pm (UTC)
Duh. Forgot to say I've friended you.
(no subject) - das_mervin - Mar. 18th, 2011 03:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hoppytoad79 - Mar. 18th, 2011 05:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 28th, 2011 01:11 am (UTC)
Can I heeeeelp? :3
I imagine you get this sort of request a lot, but can I try my hand at one of the aside chapters for a later spork of the twilight series? I've never done a sporking before but I'm good at making snarky commentary, so I'd like to try one for Eclipse or Breaking Dawn.
Apr. 14th, 2011 01:17 pm (UTC)
Re: Can I heeeeelp? :3
Actually, I don't get that request as often as you think. :)

However, I am afraid I must turn you down--I only passed one chapter of NM away for personal reasons, but I have EC already noted and broken down, and as for BD, I've got specific plans for that one and so can't give any chapters away. As for the extras and asides, those were only for TW and NM; EC and BD don't have any at all. Sorry--I've just got everything already planned out.
Apr. 13th, 2011 06:41 am (UTC)
Hi! I added you long back because I adore your "Twilight" sporkings, and just, well, your thoughts on anything, because you're interesting and funny. :D Well, now that I know you're an SPN fan too - a Sam!girl to boot, because there are precious few Samgirls out there - your awesomeness factor went up a few notches in my book. Would love it if you could friend me back. :)
Apr. 14th, 2011 01:15 pm (UTC)
Yay! I would love nothing better. :D And just in time for Hellatus to end, too. Sweeeet. You are officially friended.
Apr. 18th, 2011 10:13 pm (UTC)
Hello Das_mervin! I have never made an account on live journal until I stumbled here, and I'm glad I did. I really really love your Twilight recaps. No sporker has ever made me laugh and entertained me the way you and your team have. Not just entertainment but I have also learned a lot from reading your recaps. I have learned about family, appreciation, love to life, relationships, responsibility and respect. *blush* can you believe it? When I feel like I'm being a bella-esque bitch, I read mervin sporks and it wears out haha. I hope you read this, I would love if you could friend me. This would be my first friend request (man i hope i didn't sound like a kiss-ass.) Fan all the way from Puerto Rico :) Take care!
Apr. 19th, 2011 04:00 am (UTC)
Re: Hello.
Hello right back at ya. :)

Dude, if anyone's blushing right now, it's me. I am unbelievably flattered right now, and very touched. :) I'm honored that my screaming, flailing, bitchy recaps have meant that much to you. Thank you so much!

I'll friend you back, definitely! I'm on an SPN kick, though, so you'll have to endure plenty of posts on that. Just make yourself at home and feel free to join in the conversation!
Re: Hello. - gazeb_deathride - Apr. 23rd, 2011 02:54 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 29th, 2011 01:10 pm (UTC)
Hi! I've been commenting here for some time using my old shared account (sue_hunting_duo). I'm trying to switch to my new account now - which is exclusively mine - by moving things bit by bit. It's difficult, because that old account started to feel so much like a pair of comfy old shoes. Could you please friend my new iteration to make the transition easier? :)
May. 3rd, 2011 12:48 pm (UTC)
No problem. :D
May. 3rd, 2011 09:54 am (UTC)
Hi! I don't know how to tell you that, but... I'm definitely a huge fan of you !
I love your sporking, your snarky comments and your incredibly great sense of humor. (I know, I probably sound like a brown-noser, but I totally assume it!)
I've already asked your permission to translate "The Wedding Crashers" into French and the first chapter is in progress...
It's such a shame that we don't have someone like you in France. Believe me, there's a lot of sue hunters there who agree with you, but no one can bring us together like you do... You're my model.
Now I'm gonna kill myself, 'cause I'm sounding like a worshipping Mary-Sue I hate so much. But keep going, girl, your work is worth it!

Greetings from France!
Jun. 9th, 2011 01:02 pm (UTC)
Followed the trail of snarkcrumbs from das_sporking
Long time lurker, first time poster!

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all the new buttholes you've been ripping the Twilight franchise.

I don't know if you're familiar with Chris Sims (blogger and Internet's Foremost Batmanologist), but he's created a drinking game that might make your sporking experience less painful:
Sep. 13th, 2011 11:22 am (UTC)
Hey There!
I found your LJ via a thread discussing Leah Clearwater at The thread contained a link that took me to The Wedding Crashers and I spent the rest of the night reading! (I was the last one to comment on Chapter 9: Eat the Rich.) It ended up giving me a headache and a stomachache, but it was AMAZING! I've been stalking this LJ ever since.

Thanks to your frequent mentioning of SPN I, even though I'm not a TV person, simply had to research it. I've watched a few episodes and I must admit, I LOVE it! Personally, I'm yet ANOTHER Dean girl, but I'm also a Sam girl to a lesser extent (funny, though, because I'm more like Sam than Dean, though I'm a combination of both). I'm also a Bobby girl, a Cas girl, and even a JOHN girl - not to the extent that I'm a Dean girl, though.

I can't remember how I found your sporkings, but let me tell you, I found them, and I love them. Seriously, and in all honesty, I visit das_sporking and twispitefic EVERY. DAMNED. DAY. I'm always on the lookout for new spitefics and updates of your 'Eclipse' sporking. Let me tell you, I really enjoy how you tackle these things - oh, and thanks to 'Auto Erotica', I became less of a prude! That was hilarious!

Let me tell you, once I've signed up for LiveJournal, I will have MANY spitefic contributions to make, and since I'm a junior sporker, I might ask you to link to my sporkings. Is it bad that I want to be another partner sporker of yours? I know, it's probably silly, but still, one can dream!

Suggestion. When you get to Breaking Dawn, you know you will be dealing with a lot of disgusting (to put it mildly) messages. Might I suggest, for amusement, for the sake of your and Hyde's sanity, and for effect, that you do a group sporking of Chapter 32: Company? I think we can all agree that THAT is one of the most infamous chapters in the series, as its opening paragraphs prove. I think you should bring on Hyde, the Winchester brothers (and no, I don't think you should go on tranquilisers or be strapped to a chair, otherwise you won't get mad at the sheer HORROR of that chapter), Emmett, Rosalie, and Leah, and maybe a few others. I'm sure Leah and the brothers, as protectors of humanity, will have a few things to say about THAT. And Emmett and Rosalie will probably have their two cents to add, as well. I also, for some sick, twisted reason, like seeing an angry Sam or Dean. Sam's little speech in Chapter 9: Target was pure brilliance. And God knows the brothers make an unstoppable force.

Last thing. I mentioned above that I would like to join forces with regards to sporking with you. Is that... closed off... or do I have to be a friend of yours or something?

I do apologise for the length of this. But once I get my LJ, consider me friending you!
Sep. 14th, 2011 02:53 am (UTC)
Re: Hey There!
Hello back. :)

First off, so glad you enjoyed TWC! I'm way proud of that fic, and I'm glad to hear that it's going over so well with the internet in general. :D

I am also pleased to have yet another SPN convert. Hyde and I have an INSANE number of converts, man. I'm not sorry to see it, either! It's a fun show! And there is absolutely nothing wrong with liking both the Winchesters. I'm a Sam!Girl if I have to choose, but if there is no choice involved? I would like Sam on one side of me, Dean on the other, and Castiel watches from the corner. (Post Season Six Castiel may join, though, for reasons I cannot say in case of spoilers.)

I made you less of a prude with "Auto Erotica"? Well, damn! :D *is flattered*

I am so glad you enjoy the sporkers! And when you do sign up for an LJ, I will look forward to anything and everything you write. :) We could always use more spitefics. And as for the partner sporker? Don't knock yourself! Definitely keep fine-tuning your spork and post around other comms, we love to see new people!

I do have a very set plan for how I am going to be recapping Breaking Dawn, so no worries there. Needless to say, there are going to be a LOT of sporkers working on that one. And for some reason, EVERYBODY loved Sam in the Chapter 9 recap. I swear, I converted ten new people with that chapter alone. I found it incredibly on-turning, of course, (Oh, Sammy) but I didn't think it would turn on the WORLD!

Nope, it's not closed off. :) You just need an account and somewhere I can see samples of your writing. It's always open--it'd only be closed if I made a note it was.

Friend away! I don't mind if you follow at all. And just as a note, the next chapter of EC will be out soon. Things are admittedly slowing down because each progressive chapter just gets more painful than the next in EC. Urgh. Sands keeps coming out more to play, the little bastard. You'll see just how many times he does when it's over.

Thank you so much for your kind words! Pleasure to hear from you!
Re: Hey There! - (Anonymous) - Sep. 14th, 2011 12:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 4th, 2011 11:36 pm (UTC)
Hi, Mervin. Um. Crap, I feel like I'm at a job interview. *sweats* I first started reading your stuff when I was linked to your Twilight sporks/recaps. I love them, and I love the other sporks you do.

Also, guess who got me into Supernatural? You did. I started watching it because you reference the show a lot, and now I'm addicted! I shudder at the thought that I'd still be completely unaware that the Winchesters and Castiel existed were it not for you.

So, in conclusion, I think you are a Pretty Cool Guy (Gal) and I'm gonna friend you. I hope that's okay. I'm not really familiar with Livejournal etiquette.
Oct. 5th, 2011 04:53 am (UTC)
Hey, I'm not that intimidating. :)

Thank you so much--I'm glad you find my stuff interesting and entertaining! And I am so not sorry to add you to my SURPRISINGLY long list of SPN converts.

And it's definitely (Gal), and I'll just friend you back so you can see what batshit shenanigans I get up to over here.
Oct. 7th, 2011 09:47 pm (UTC)
*waves enthusiastically in a desperate attempt to disguise nervousness*
I’ve been a long time lurker over on das sporkings – I am a huge fan of your twilight sporks.Anyways, one day I clicked on your name and it took me here, and I discovered that you are even more full of win than I realised. After lurking around for a while I have finally worked up the courage to create a livejournal account so that I may friend you and bask in your Awesome. Er...I meant that in a lot less stalkery way than it came out. I hope you don’t mind?

Also, you should know that you are entirely responsible for my Supernatural obsession, and I blame it particularly on an episode of your Mervin Reads! Twilight Illustrated Guide where there was this long musical interlude with ‘Angel’ playing and two dudes that I now know to be Dean & Castiel). I have now watched all available episodes of Supernatural in a very short space of time and am anxiously biting my fingernails for the next one. Thank you for introducing me to so much win!
Oct. 8th, 2011 04:09 pm (UTC)
Re: Er...hi!
*waves back* :D

I'm glad to hear you love my work--that's what keeps me going, after all (that, and my hate engine that badfic and Stephenie Meyer continuously fuel). And I'm seriously flattered that you wish to friend me! I shall friend you back.

I think SPN needs to start paying me or something. Mrs. Hyde and I have brought in an OBSCENE number of new SPN viewers, and usually without even trying to. I guess it's just the bombardment we throw at everyone. But it's an awesome show! And you see how awesome it is, too! Oh, God, the "Angel" montage. I meant to be FUNNY with that, dammit, but no, no, it got serious and tear-jerky. *shakes head*

Thank YOU for your compliments and your readership. :D
Oct. 23rd, 2011 03:31 pm (UTC)
Hello there! you and Hyde seem awesome and I'd love to get to know you more. Also while I'm here, just want to thank you for the delicious Supernatural pics you toss into your sporks here and there. They make my day.
Dec. 16th, 2011 12:51 am (UTC)
I love your youtube and sporkings and we share quite a few opinions (as far as I can tell from the aforementioned) and yes! I'd love to be a livejournal buddy :D
Dec. 17th, 2011 04:57 pm (UTC)
Then consider yourself added. :) I warn you--I talk A LOT about "Supernatural".
(no subject) - apple_cocaine - Dec. 17th, 2011 05:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 17th, 2012 05:27 pm (UTC)
Not a creeper!
I've been a silent follower for a long time but I just wanted to post and thank you for all the awesome that you bring to the interwebs. :) I'd be honored if you'd friend me (I friended you already because I'm a dorky fangirl). Wow, it *is* really hard to post without sounding creepy. I promise I'm not really creepy. Comment boxes are just awkward.
Mar. 16th, 2012 08:51 am (UTC)
Hello! It's almost 5AM and I SHOULD be asleep, but no: Your story "The Wedding Crashers" has me so hooked that I can't go to sleep. I just can't. I love it too much and need to finish. I've read a few others of your twispite fics AND I also am a great lover of Supernatural (And Castiel).

SO, I was wondering if I could friend you. :D
Mar. 19th, 2012 09:56 pm (UTC)
Consider yourself friended. Thank you so much for your compliments on TWC! :)
(no subject) - inmh - Mar. 19th, 2012 11:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 19th, 2012 09:52 pm (UTC)
You don't know me. You have seen me, but I rarely use my user name. I have a challenge though Mervin, if you are so mighty. It is not from the pit of Fanfiction. It is not from Fictionpress. It is from a far worse level of Hell.

It is from .

If you are so brave as to take this on, I shall applaud you. But what I am asking is not an easy thing to do.

I want you to spork .

Every chapter is a new story (The site is screwed up on adding chapters). You will have to go to her profile to get the rest of this story and the sequel. If you turn this down, I do not blame you. If you don't, I do not know how you survive these.

Please, spork something from this site, if not this. I beg you.

Mar. 19th, 2012 09:59 pm (UTC)
Howdy. While I always love a challenge, I actually don't do Quizilla Sues as a rule. There is pretty much zero point to trying to spork them, seeing as they spork themselves. It's kind of like trying to spork a trollfic.


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SJ - Das Sporking
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