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Comment to be added.

Here's the post that keeps all the chapters linked so you can access them easily without sifting through all the other crap on my LJ.

Mass Disclaimer: I do not own any of the fics I spork on this LiveJournal, nor at any other communities I happen to post the sporkings. I am simply sporking to criticize the work in my own fashion. The fics themselves are the properties of those who originally wrote them and posted them online, thus making them public domain for anyone who wishes to criticize them in any fashion they like.

The fandoms in which I spork do not belong to me, either. They belong to their respective creators, producers, publishers, etc.

I do not own the series Twilight. It is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

Agent Sands does not belong to me--he is the property of Robert Rodriguez and Johnny Depp.

Professor Snape does not belong to me--he is the property of JK Rowling. We simply borrow those two from time to time to spork some particularly bad material.

SPORKS

( Ariana and the Prophesy of Gaea )
( Salvation )
( Haunted )
( Sins of the Father (By animefan19) )
( Seven Days )
( Standing My Ground )
( Child of Grace )
( Twilight )
( New Moon )
( Eclipse )
( Midnight Sun (By Mrs. Hyde) )

FICS

( The Darkest Hour )

I am a dragon owner at Dragon Cave. Help my dragons hatch, grow, and stay alive by clicking on them. Thank you!

My Dragon Cave Page



( My Dragon Collection )

Feels weird to be posting this, even though there is such a huge situation going on half a world away, but...well, I got it done, so I might as well. I hope it provides a few laughs in this time of dischord.

( Chapter 17 – Alliance )

Stinger: “"I guess you'd rather be with your real friends," he said in the same defeated tone. "I get it."”

---

Before we begin. For those who were angry that Paul could not be viewed unless you lived in the USA? I MIGHT have a solution. The episode is up on YouTube. "Couples Skate." You really only need to watch the first half to understand, but the picture I so often use is right at the first of the second half, and he's really in the whole episode. Oh, and don't ask me to explain what's going on. Because you don't need it. Onto business.

Well, as I suspected, Sands would not come out and play again. At least, not for a while. So I put him back with Snape and I’m sure those two are fighting and bitching at each other. They’re much happier for it.

That leaves me to pick it up where he left off. I’ll try and keep it…kind of concise, but you know me. It’s not in character for me to brush the stuff off the way that Sands does. I care, and way too much. *shame*

Enough of that. Off we go.

( Chapter 16 – Epoch )

Stinger: “"Aw, don't be too hard on the kid. He’s young."”

( Chapter 17 - Alliance )

---

Remember this? Yeah, she's still doing it. She apologizes for her tardiness. This is a short chapter, before we get launched into another big one, like chapter five. It is also another extremely disturbing one. So, all things considered, this one is probably a very refreshing break before we get stuffed head-first into an even worse deluge of Wardo sociopathy.

Joy.

Anyway, take over, Hyde.

( Chapter 8 – Ghost )

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Mervin: Well, after using the Keyboard of Power to clean up the mess Sands made on his books on tape, *glares* he’s now ready to do another chapter. I don’t know why you felt it necessary to do that, Sands.

Sands: I was making profound statement about the quality of these books.

Mervin: You jerked off on them! Twice!

Sands: Oh, who cares about that?! This makes three chapters, Merv! I don’t wanna do this anymore! I’m gonna be ass-deep in Breaking Dawn, why are you making me do Eclipse, too?! What, you just gonna take a sabbatical for the rest of the goddamned story?!

Mervin: I’ve got a very good reason for making you do this chapter, Sands! I’ll hopefully join you for maybe the next one, or relieve you entirely of duty.

Sands: As if. What’s your reason?

Mervin: If I recapped it personally, there wouldn’t be anything but a bunch of garbled cursing. I wouldn’t get anything done. I’d just sit there and rant and rave about one point only, and the recap would be longer than necessary—which is saying something, if you take my typical recaps into consideration.

Sands: That’s hardly a reason, in my opinion.

Mervin: Well, how about because I’m making you? Look, you’re already doing this stuff on your own schedule. I’m not about to let you have a choice in whether or not you get to do it at all.

Sands: *scowls* Can I at least have a partner this time around?

Mervin: I know exactly what you’re talking about. And no. You may not.

Sands: FINE! See if I care. *drinks straight from the bottle*

( Chapter 15 – Wager )

Stinger: “"You've never tried," he disagreed. "When he left, you spent all your energy holding on to him. You could be happy if you let go. You could be happy with me."”

( Chapter 16 - Epoch )

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Sands: *looks up from his pibil* Oh. It’s you people again. Yeah, she’s not back yet. She never returned me to my couch—although she did put Snape in here for a bit to keep me company. We had sex.

Mervin: *just a voice* No. You didn’t.

Sands: How do you know? You don’t watch me all the time, unless you’re the Edward to my Bella.

Mervin: No, but I keep track of all of the yous I use for my writing. Only one of the three I use has ever scored with Snape. I know for a fact that isn’t you.

Sands: Goddammit. *pours another drink* Well, fine. She’s still not recapping, if you all didn’t catch that. You’re stuck with me until she finally gets off her fat ass and gets back in here and does her damned job.

( Chapter 14 – Declaration )

Stinger: “Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted his venom to poison my system. It would make me belong to him in a tangible, quantifiable way.”

( Chapter 15 - Wager )

---

FINALLY. After our writing project and my not wanting to do this at all, I have finally gotten the next chapter of Eclipse out. Let’s hope we don’t have such a delay between chapters, and we get back to a stable posting schedule.

Anyway, after this, we launch headfirst into Jacob the Big Furry Douche. *grimace* Not looking forward to that.

At all.

( Chapter 13 – Newborn )

Stinger: “"I was so wearied by killing—killing anyone, even mere humans."”

( Chapter 14 - Declaration )

---

Hyde would like to apologize for taking so long with the next chapter of her Midnight Sun recap. My last post elaborating upon what she actually has been working on is somewhat of a reasonable justification, I believe. But, here it is. The next chapter. At least this one has serious, SERIOUS lulz.

( Chapter 7 – Melody )

( Chapter 8 - Ghost )

---

Hmm. *scrolls forward a bit* Damn. Only two chapters more before Jacob completes his transformation into the Big Furry Douche. So not looking forward to that. Like, at all.

Oh well. Onward and upward, I guess.

( Chapter 12 – Time )

Stinger: “Emmett sighed theatrically, and plopped down on the couch to wait with exaggerated impatience.”

( Chapter 13 - Newborn )

---

Well, it is time again to lend my journal to Mrs. Hyde. Here is another chapter of Midnight Sun. And she really freaked out this time. Personally, I don't blame her in the slightest. Edward Cullen is a FREAKIN' NUTCASE. That's really all there is to it.

But, don't take my word for it. Check it out for yourselves!

( Chapter 6 – Blood Type )

( Chapter 7 - Melody )

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After that sick discussion of imprinting and child grooming previous, this should be a walk in the park. *straps on a helmet anyway, just in case*

*Note: This isn’t an accidental double-post. I was 1,500 words over the LJ limit and had to split it up, but the two chapters go together. Sorry.

( Chapter 10 – Scent )

( Chapter 11 – Legends )

Stinger: “He made a noise in the back of his throat. "Is he your warden, now, too? You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and—"”

( Chapter 12 - Time )

---

After that sick discussion of imprinting and child grooming previous, this should be a walk in the park. *straps on a helmet anyway, just in case*

*Note: This isn’t an accidental double-post. I was 1,500 words over the LJ limit and had to split it up, but the two chapters go together. Sorry.

( Chapter 10 – Scent )

( Chapter 11 – Legends )

Sorry my recap of Eclipse is taking so long. The chapter I’m slogging through is incredibly boring, and I’m having trouble bringing any funny into it. On the bright side, lilypeters, you’ll be happy to know that the next installment of Eclipse is when we finally get the sole Wuthering Heights comparison!

But, until then, how about you guys “enjoy” the next chapter of Hyde’s recap of Midnight Sun?

Warning: One NWS picture underneath.

( Chapter 5 – Invitations )

( Chapter 6 - Blood Type )

---

Hyde has come through with another chapter of Midnight Sun! Boy, does this one ever stink. The chapter, not the recap, that is.

( Chapter 4 - Visions )

( Chapter 5 - Invitations )

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*Warnings: A little language, innuendo, and make-out pictures.

Apologies in advance if some of the pictures do not appear to be as high quality as others. The movie isn’t out on Blue Ray yet—I had to make do with what I could find. I hope it doesn’t detract from the picspam. If it does, feel free to tell me. It’s my first one, after all, and constructive criticism is always nice.






( 15 Reasons to See Twilight (and One Reason Not To) )

Popular consensus is that I make my picspam known to picspammy. And so it shall be. I've got seven out of sixteen already done. Be on the lookout! :D

And now, an update on Eclipse. Told you it'd be faster than the last one. I am so not looking forward to this. Meyer goes from Rosalie’s Epic Chapter of Rape O’Clock Baby Machine DOOM to…well, you’ll see.

You’ll all see. *dramatic orchestra hit*

( Chapter 8 – Temper )

( Chapter 9 – Target )

Stinger: “"I also tried to convince him to let you visit. He's prejudiced, so don't let him give you any crap about safety. He knows as well as I do that you'd be safe here."”

( Chapter 10 - Scent )

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Well, I remember sitting there boggling when I read this scene in Twilight. Turns out that it's even more logic-defying from Wardo's POV.

Take it away, Mrs. Hyde!

( Chapter 3 – Phenomenon )

( Chapter 4 - Visions )

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Well, here we go, continuing Eclipse. Be sure to check out Mrs. Hyde’s recap of Midnight Sun, and definitely expect more of that.

Onward!

( Chapter 7 – Unhappy Ending )

Stinger: “"Why don't you just lock me in the basement," I suggested, "and forget the sugar coating?"”

( Chapter 8 - Temper )

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